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" If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good. "
Rita Rudner
Audience
Feel
Feel Good
Related Quotes:
" I just love dogs, and there really is no better companion than an animal. "
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Love
Companion
Better
" While I do occasionally order items on the Internet, it's hard to teach an old shopper new tricks. I'm convinced that the catalogue will eventually disappear, but not until the last baby boomers have kicked off their smelly Nikes and been buried in mulch. "
Rita Rudner
Disappear
Teach
New
" It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. "
Rita Rudner
Rest
Find
Great
" I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable. "
Rita Rudner
Me
Too Much
Conversation
" A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax. "
Rita Rudner
War
Will
Country
" You are always trying to please people before you get to the public whenever you do anything that requires a corporate body to sanction it. "
Rita Rudner
Always
Trying
People
" I have no organisational skills. All my energy goes into worry - worrying takes a lot of energy. "
Rita Rudner
Worrying
Worry
Skills
" Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be. "
Rita Rudner
Lose
Rich
Respect
" I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. "
Rita Rudner
Me
Good
Friends
" Barbie ruined my life! It's a really bad image for women. For a long time I thought I was deformed - because my heels didn't touch the ground. I was walking around on tiptoes. What's up with that? I think that it's a bad thing for a woman to try to emulate. "
Rita Rudner
Women
Time
Think
" Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire? "
Rita Rudner
Always
Say
Fire
" I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine. "
Rita Rudner
Class
Got
Mine
" I had the worst birthday party ever when I was a child because my parents hired a pony to give rides. And these ponies are never in good health. But this one dropped dead. It just wasn't much fun after that. One kid would sit on him and the rest of us would drag him around. "
Rita Rudner
Good
Fun
Birthday
" I wanted to say things that were natural coming from me. "
Rita Rudner
Wanted
Say
Natural
" The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him. "
Rita Rudner
You
Man
Over
" I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet. "
Rita Rudner
Until
Ears
Grow
" My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head. "
Rita Rudner
Me
Worth
Age
" In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. "
Rita Rudner
Marriage
Hollywood
Success
" We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet. "
Rita Rudner
More
Feet
Dog
" I think the most important thing about learning comedy is to start from who you are. If you begin the process by imitating what you perceive to be a comedy rhythm, you will get laughs sooner, but you will not be unique. "
Rita Rudner
Learning
Start
Process
" I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh. "
Rita Rudner
Laugh
You
Want
" Stand-up is my favorite thing I've ever done. There's so much independence. "
Rita Rudner
Much
Independence
Done
" To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.' "
Rita Rudner
New
Men
Attract
" I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body. "
Rita Rudner
Right
Body
Off
" I found out I had a real love for comedy and comedy writing. The logic was, there weren't too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing. "
Rita Rudner
Singing
Writing
Comedy
" I'm not a person who likes authority. I just love the fact that it's up to me, and I go straight to the audience. "
Rita Rudner
Authority
Person
Me
" I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. "
Rita Rudner
Think
Pain
Ear
" Every audience has a personality. Some of them don't have the best personalities, but you're on a date with them for an hour and a half, so you just make the best of it. "
Rita Rudner
Best
Half
Audience
" The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down. "
Rita Rudner
Up And Down
Down
Gym
" Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before. "
Rita Rudner
Mother
Taste
Most