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" I have no organisational skills. All my energy goes into worry - worrying takes a lot of energy. "

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" When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third. "

" Barbie ruined my life! It's a really bad image for women. For a long time I thought I was deformed - because my heels didn't touch the ground. I was walking around on tiptoes. What's up with that? I think that it's a bad thing for a woman to try to emulate. "

" Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie. "

" I have to visualise my jokes, live my jokes, feel the audience because every audience is different. It's like having a different dancing partner every night. "

" The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down. "

" The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him. "

" You are always trying to please people before you get to the public whenever you do anything that requires a corporate body to sanction it. "

" I'm not a person who likes authority. I just love the fact that it's up to me, and I go straight to the audience. "

" I just love dogs, and there really is no better companion than an animal. "

" Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be. "

" I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country; people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again. "

" They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one. "

" I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose. "

" I had the worst birthday party ever when I was a child because my parents hired a pony to give rides. And these ponies are never in good health. But this one dropped dead. It just wasn't much fun after that. One kid would sit on him and the rest of us would drag him around. "

" My Vegas act is how I make my money. "

" I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet. "

" I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money! "

" My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping. "

" Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. "

" I wanted to say things that were natural coming from me. "

" I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. "

" I'm a very simple person. I'm very shallow. Shallow, simple, easily pleased: that's me. "

" I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh. "

" It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. "

" My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head. "

" I don't do Jewish stuff because I don't want people to be left out. If I mention the Torah in Alabama, it's not going to go down that well. I used to do some Jewish jokes because when I started, I used to play lots of Jewish country clubs. "

" I started taking ballet lessons when I was 4, and I was performing in ballet companies when I was 10, and I did summer stock in Miami Beach when I was 12, and finally I said, 'I gotta go to Broadway.' "

" If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good. "

" I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. "

" To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.' "