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" Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be. "
Rita Rudner
Lose
Rich
Respect
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" My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head. "
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" My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping. "
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" It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. "
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" I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. "
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" I have no organisational skills. All my energy goes into worry - worrying takes a lot of energy. "
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" I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso. "
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" I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them. "
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" On my tombstone it will say: 'I tried everything - nothing was easy.' "
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" My mother's mother is a very tough cookie. She buried three husbands. Two of them were just napping. "
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" I think the most important thing about learning comedy is to start from who you are. If you begin the process by imitating what you perceive to be a comedy rhythm, you will get laughs sooner, but you will not be unique. "
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Start
Process
" I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable. "
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Too Much
Conversation
" I wanted to say things that were natural coming from me. "
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Natural
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" The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down. "
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Gym
" They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one. "
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Very
Bank
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" I don't do Jewish stuff because I don't want people to be left out. If I mention the Torah in Alabama, it's not going to go down that well. I used to do some Jewish jokes because when I started, I used to play lots of Jewish country clubs. "
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" I did six Broadway shows, and I noticed there weren't many female comedians. When I went to a dancing audition, there were 1,000 girls. And there were three jobs. So I said I'll just try comedy. And I loved it. "
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Dancing
Loved
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Fall
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Authority
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Always
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