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" I'm not a person who embraces challenges. I run from challenges. I break world records running from challenges. "

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" Most people think I'm immodest. "

" Anytime I'm involved with anything that's well-received, it's a surprise to me. "

" I'm not quite as anonymous as I was. "

" If I wasn't a golfer, I would still be miserable - but not as miserable. "

" I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian. "

" Most of the time I'm thinking, I'm glad that scene was improvised. "

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" I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny. "

" It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas. "

" I'm cranky. "

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" I'm still driving a Prius, yeah. "

" I can't stand reading anything that I've said. "

" I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood. "

" Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror. "

" My life has changed. I'm not walking around any more wishing I wasn't me, which was the case at one time. "

" It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn't happen that often. "

" I still think of that guy I was without a wife or kids, and I still want to entertain that guy. The lonely guy, the frustrated guy, the guy with no money - this is the guy who needs to laugh. "

" I was very fortunate to hook up with Jerry in the first place. The network was already committed to doing something with him, so I skipped a couple of hundred steps right there. "

" The best situation is being a single parent. The best part about is that you get time off, too, because the kids are with their mom, so it's the best of both worlds. There's a lot to be said for it. "

" I have quite a house. People come over and I go, 'I know, I'm sorry.' "

" No, I am a crier and if people ever saw me privately they would be shocked at what a bowl of mush I am underneath it all. "

" I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. I just feed off the energy of the audience. That's what I'm all about - people and laughter. "

" I tend to stay with the panic. I embrace the panic. "

" Religion doesn't play any part in my life in terms of how I live my life. But I don't think I've ever gone through a day in my life without hearing someone say the word 'Jew' or saying it myself. "

" I think golf is literally an addiction. I'm surprised there's not Golf Anonymous. "