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" My life has changed. I'm not walking around any more wishing I wasn't me, which was the case at one time. "

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" I think golf is literally an addiction. I'm surprised there's not Golf Anonymous. "

" You know, I'm really not that bright. "

" Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy. "

Self-Confidence

" I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War. "

" Most people think I'm immodest. "

" I'm a walking, talking enigma. We're a dying breed. "

" I don't like people cleaning my room. "

" I'm a walking, talking enigma. "

" I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny. "

" I believe in something. "

" I never thought for a second that anything I ever did was going to make someone cringe. That never occurred to me. "

" At first, I didn't realize it was gonna be a character. I just thought I was gonna be doing me. "

" I've led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that heritage on and ensure that the misery will continue for at least one more generation. "

" I think that what people imagine they're going through is much worse than what they are going through. "

" Whenever something good happens to me, it's usually followed by something terrible. "

" I like to be quiet, and let people find me rather than having to shout at them. "

" Religion doesn't play any part in my life in terms of how I live my life. But I don't think I've ever gone through a day in my life without hearing someone say the word 'Jew' or saying it myself. "

" I can't stand reading anything that I've said. "

" I just feed off the energy of the audience. "

" There's nothing that reflects me. I'm unreflectable! "

" Once I know people know who I am, it gives me a lot of licence and freedom to behave in ways I wouldn't normally. "

" I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian. "

" I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.' "

" Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline. "

" Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious. "

" Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough. "

" If I tried to flirt with a woman and she didn't know who I was, she would run away. "

" I'm still driving a Prius, yeah. "

" There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That scene would've been so much better if I had written it out. "

" Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then. "