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" It's always good to take something that's happened in your life and make something of it comedically. "
Larry David
Happened
Always
Good
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" Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad. "
Larry David
Birds
Sometimes
Deaf
" Drugs scared me. "
Larry David
Me
Scared
" I don't like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about a half an inch wide. "
Larry David
Half
Comfort Zone
Like
" I defy anyone to produce any evidence that the word 'happy' has ever crossed my lips. I am not now, nor have I ever been, 'happy.' "
Larry David
Evidence
Word
Now
" Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious. "
Larry David
Relationship
Precarious
Just
" The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for pants in stores anymore. "
Larry David
Pants
See
Stores
" Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror. "
Larry David
Look
Glamorous
Mirror
" I have reservations about everything I do. "
Larry David
About
Reservations
Everything
" Anytime I'm involved with anything that's well-received, it's a surprise to me. "
Larry David
Anything
Surprise
Me
" Women love a self-confident bald man. "
Larry David
Love
Man
Bald
" I never thought for a second that anything I ever did was going to make someone cringe. That never occurred to me. "
Larry David
Never
Someone
Thought
" I don't like to say anything good. I feel like I'll jinx myself. "
Larry David
Good
Anything
Feel
" I think that what people imagine they're going through is much worse than what they are going through. "
Larry David
Think
Imagine
People
" I'm anti-cheese in a salad. "
Larry David
Salad
" You write about what you know. "
Larry David
You
Write
Know
" And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but a version of me. "
Larry David
Kept
Me
Something
" I'm one of the idiots that negotiates after I write. "
Larry David
After
Write
I Write
" When I was living in New York, there was a lot of screaming in my life. I would just get into these altercations all the time. Being in public, dealing with shopkeepers, just trying to cross the street - things like that. "
Larry David
Life
My Life
New York
" I can't stand reading anything that I've said. "
Larry David
Stand
Said
Anything
" I like to be quiet, and let people find me rather than having to shout at them. "
Larry David
Quiet
Shout
People
" When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom. "
Larry David
Freedom
Concerned
Complete
" I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish. "
Larry David
Night
Fish
First
" I'm not interested in closure. Some people just have heart attacks and die, right? There's no closure. "
Larry David
Die
People
Right
" Woody Allen likes to do a lot of master shots. He likes to get the whole thing in one take, and so you could be going along doing a scene, and then the next to last line, all of a sudden, you stumble, and you have to go back to first base. "
Larry David
You
Back
Line
" Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. "
Larry David
Know
Happy
Only
" Golf and dating don't mix. "
Larry David
Dating
Mix
Golf
" I think golf is literally an addiction. I'm surprised there's not Golf Anonymous. "
Larry David
Think
I Think
Golf
" I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War. "
Larry David
Vietnam War
Army
End
" Most of the time I'm thinking, I'm glad that scene was improvised. "
Larry David
Scene
Time
Thinking
" Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm Jewish. "
Larry David
Myself
Fact
Hey