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" I was very fortunate to hook up with Jerry in the first place. The network was already committed to doing something with him, so I skipped a couple of hundred steps right there. "

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" I've led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that heritage on and ensure that the misery will continue for at least one more generation. "

Larry David

Now

Heritage

Generation

" And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but a version of me. "

Larry David

Kept

Something

" Perhaps I have a wider range than I'd given myself credit for. "

" In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three times as long as service in the regular army, although to be perfectly honest, I was unable to fulfill my entire obligation because I was taking acting classes and they said I could skip my last year. "

" I have quite a house. People come over and I go, 'I know, I'm sorry.' "

Larry David

Sorry

House

" I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after. "

" I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian. "

" All of a sudden I discovered that I'm allergic to caviar. It was the perfect metaphor for my life. When I was only able to afford bad caviar, I could certainly eat my fill of it. "

" Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad. "

" If I tried to flirt with a woman and she didn't know who I was, she would run away. "

" I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out. "

" I think Michael Moore is a hero. "

" I'm not a person who embraces challenges. I run from challenges. I break world records running from challenges. "

" I've been in therapy. I know enough about myself now to know that I really don't need to know anymore. "

" Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then. "

Larry David

People

Kind

" I just feed off the energy of the audience. "

" Religion doesn't play any part in my life in terms of how I live my life. But I don't think I've ever gone through a day in my life without hearing someone say the word 'Jew' or saying it myself. "

" I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War. "

" I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab. "

" Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman. "

" I think golf is literally an addiction. I'm surprised there's not Golf Anonymous. "

" Well, after the divorce, I went home and turned all the lights on! "

" There's nothing that reflects me. I'm unreflectable! "

Larry David

Nothing

Reflects

" Anything that's for free, people will take. They don't discriminate. "

" I don't have many friends. "

Larry David

Friends

Many

" I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people. "

Larry David

Tolerate

People

" When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name, I would walk around the streets and occasionally I would see an alcove or something. And I'd think, that'll be good, that'll be a good spot for me when I'm homeless. "

" I think that what people imagine they're going through is much worse than what they are going through. "