Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" I'm not interested in promoting myself or revealing to total strangers anything about me. That's not my job. "

Related Quotes:

" Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh. "

" The people who were in college in the '50s were my first real audience, and their kids, the people who found my records in the cabinet during their 'Mad 'magazine years picked me up also. "

" Eddie Izzard is wonderful, I think, but I've only seen that one HBO special he did. He's one of the few people who talk about stuff other than girlfriends and relationships and flatulence and genitalia. There are very few of them who actually talk about real stuff. "

" When you get to fifty-two food becomes more important than sex. "

" You can't be satirical and not be offensive to somebody. "

" I didn't feel the need for anonymous affection, for people in the dark applauding. To me, it would be like writing a novel and then getting up every night and reading your novel. "

" The Army has carried the American ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability. "

" If, after hearing my songs, just one human being is inspired to say something nasty to a friend or, perhaps to strike a loved one, it will all have been worth the while. "

" I stopped performing because I don't have the temperament of a performer. You have to want to do the same thing over and over again. Once I got it right, I didn't want to do it again. I always use the analogy of a novelist who has to read his novel in public night after night. I just didn't want to do it. "

" I like Jon Stewart. He's not as obnoxious as Dennis Miller, whom I really can't stand. "

" Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it. "

" I have always found it interesting... that there are people who regard copyright infringement as a form of flattery. "

" Irreverence is easy - what's hard is wit. "

" I figure I wrote 37 songs in 20 years, and that's not exactly a full-time job. It wasn't that I was writing and writing and writing and quit. Every now and then I wrote something, and every now and then I didn't. The second just outnumbered the first. "

" I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity. "

" Bad weather always looks worse through a window. "

" Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel peace prize. "

" Life is like a sewer: what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. "

" I loved high school, but I wouldn't want to do it again. "

" Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play? "

" I'm not tempted to write a song about George W. Bush. I couldn't figure out what sort of song I would write. That's the problem: I don't want to satirise George Bush and his puppeteers, I want to vaporise them. "

" When I was in college, there were certain words you couldn't say in front of a girl. Now you can say them, but you can't say 'girl.' "

" I thought about majoring in Math, Chemistry and English, but Math had the fewest requirements, so I went with it. I knew I wanted to teach, and Math was my field, so I studied Math. "

" It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years. "

" I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up. "

" I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up. "

" When you're in a public profession like I was, and you stop doing it like I did, people think you're either crazy or dead. "

" I was immersed in popular songs of the time, of the '30s and '40s. I was writing songs, making fun of the attitudes of those songs, in the musical style of the songs themselves; love songs, folk songs, marches, football. "

" Be prepared, and be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you. "

" On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away. "