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" It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise, just and omnipotent God, but it is quite easy to imagine it run by a board of gods. "
H. L. Mencken
Imagination
God
Impossible
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" For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing. "
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" Don't overestimate the decency of the human race. "
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" There are men so philosophical that they can see humor in their own toothaches. But there has never lived a man so philosophical that he could see the toothache in his own humor. "
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" It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf. "
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" A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. "
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Judge
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" Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. "
H. L. Mencken
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" Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. "
H. L. Mencken
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" To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia - to mistake an ordinary young woman for a goddess. "
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" Man weeps to think that he will die so soon; woman, that she was born so long ago. "
H. L. Mencken
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" A society made up of individuals who were all capable of original thought would probably be unendurable. "
H. L. Mencken
Original
Capable
Society
" The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule. "
H. L. Mencken
False
Save
Humanity
" The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated. "
H. L. Mencken
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Fact
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" No one in this world, so far as I know - and I have searched the records for years, and employed agents to help me - has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people. "
H. L. Mencken
Money
People
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" Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too. "
H. L. Mencken
Women
Than
More
" One may no more live in the world without picking up the moral prejudices of the world than one will be able to go to hell without perspiring. "
H. L. Mencken
Live
Hell
Will
" Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage. "
H. L. Mencken
Government
Democracy
Science
" The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom. "
H. L. Mencken
More
Distrust
Grow
" In war the heroes always outnumber the soldiers ten to one. "
H. L. Mencken
Veterans Day
Soldiers
War
" Every man sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a series of grotesque caricatures of himself. "
H. L. Mencken
Relationship
Man
Cousins
" Every man is his own hell. "
H. L. Mencken
Every Man
Own
Man
" It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office. "
H. L. Mencken
Hate
Common Sense
Me
" When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands. "
H. L. Mencken
Hands
Women
Always
" Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest. "
H. L. Mencken
Marriage
Giving
Husband
" Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. "
H. L. Mencken
Progress
American
Average
" It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry. "
H. L. Mencken
Now
Chemistry
Mathematics
" It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. "
H. L. Mencken
Man
Place
Lie
" Life is a dead-end street. "
H. L. Mencken
Life
Dead-End
Street
" I confess I enjoy democracy immensely. It is incomparably idiotic, and hence incomparably amusing. "
H. L. Mencken
Confess
Amusing
Democracy
" Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under. "
H. L. Mencken
Government
Ashamed
Man
" Man is always looking for someone to boast to; woman is always looking for a shoulder to put her head on. "
H. L. Mencken
Woman
Always
Looking