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" Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren't so exciting. "
Bill Gates
Funny
Day
Rich
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" I would say just start writing. You've got to write every day. Copy someone that you like if you think that perhaps could become your sound, too. I did that with Hemingway, and I thought I was writing just like Hemingway. Then all of a sudden it occurred to me - he didn't have a sense of humor. I don't know anything he's written that's funny. "
Elmore Leonard
Funny
Writing
Humor
" Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it's my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Passion
Funny
Life
" You know how old I am? I'm so old, I remember when Letterman used to be funny and it was presidents who were serious. That's how old I am. "
Rush Limbaugh
Know
Funny
You
" I call myself the Amusement Park. That's because I'm funny and scary at the same time. "
Terry Crews
Park
Time
Myself
" It is hard to overstate how valuable it is to have all the incredible tools that are used for human disease to study plants. "
Bill Gates
Human
Hard
Tools
" How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing. "
Les Dawson
You
Personal
How
" What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny. "
Steven Wright
Crazy
Me
Matter
" In poor countries, we still need better ways to measure the effectiveness of the many government workers providing health services. They are the crucial link bringing tools such as vaccines and education to the people who need them most. How well trained are they? Are they showing up to work? "
Bill Gates
Work
Better
Education
" There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. "
Henry Kissinger
Funny
Schedule
Week
" Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. "
Margaret Mead
Unique
Remember
Funny
" I think I have a dark view of the world. I have to make everything funny, otherwise it all seems so sad. "
Moon Unit Zappa
Funny
Sad
Think
" Movies don't look hard, but figuring it out, getting the shape of it, getting everybody's character right and having it be funny, make sense and be romantic, it's creating a puzzle. Yes, having been a writer for so long, I have an awareness of when things are going awry, but it doesn't mean I know how to fix them. "
Nancy Meyers
Character
Long
Puzzle
" Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. "
Wilson Mizner
Gambling
Way
Something
" The funny thing is, all my friends are short. I wasn't aware of tall people till I got to high school. I didn't know they existed. I was sheltered. "
Kevin Hart
Funny
Friends
People
" I was flying with my brother, and he challenged me to work out on the airplane. He thought it was funny - and I did it! "
Izabel Goulart
Flying
Work
Funny
" He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle. "
Alice Roosevelt Longworth
Pickle
Been
Funny
" We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight. "
Milton Berle
Television
Funny
Him
" It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether. "
Johnny Vegas
Me
Question
Love
" When I was growing up, my parents were almost involved in various volunteer things. My dad was head of Planned Parenthood. And it was very controversial to be involved with that. "
Bill Gates
Parents
Growing Up
Volunteer
" Well, I'm not afraid to say something if I think it's funny, even if it's harsh or racist. "
Sarah Silverman
I Think
Say
Think
" The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. "
Terry Pratchett
Trouble
Trying
People
" Any version of Windows is going to have lots of great new things that people use and things that are tough. "
Bill Gates
New Things
Great
Tough
" It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. "
Arthur C. Clarke
Intelligence
Funny
Survival
" Being funny with a funny voice is more my comfort zone, a broader character that I try to humanize, a kind of silly or wacky persona that I try to fill in. "
Hank Azaria
Character
Comfort Zone
Funny
" What after all, is a halo? It's only one more thing to keep clean. "
Christopher Fry
Clean
More
Only
" Now a 'funnyman' can get a laugh before opening his mouth - looking funny. Lou Costello was one of your great funnymen. Harry Langdon, Larry Semon; they were all funnymen - they looked funny. W.C. Fields was never a comedian. Slim Summerville was a comedian, yet looked funny. Now if you have both attributes, you are in good shape. "
Milton Berle
You
Looking
Laugh
" Phil Hartman was brilliant, and Dave Foley is a really funny guy. Phil Hartman was actually even funnier offstage than he was onstage because he would say nasty things. Dave Foley's very funny, very witty guy, very quick. "
Joe Rogan
Funny
Brilliant
Guy
" My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra. "
Angie Dickinson
Me
Actress
Against
" People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant. "
Ellen DeGeneres
People
You
Always
" There's nothing I dislike more than being in a photo shoot where they say, 'Be yourself.' That's not why I became an actress. That's what I find so funny: that you become an actor, and all of a sudden, everyone wants to know about you. But I didn't become an actor so I could show you me. "
Margot Robbie
Me
Know
Be Yourself