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" My Vegas act is how I make my money. "

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" If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good. "

" I found out I had a real love for comedy and comedy writing. The logic was, there weren't too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing. "

" I just love dogs, and there really is no better companion than an animal. "

" My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping. "

" Being a dancer and a singer gave me some advantage with regards to having a stage presence. I always take my timing from the audience because they are half of my act. "

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" My mother's mother is a very tough cookie. She buried three husbands. Two of them were just napping. "

" When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third. "

" I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body. "

" You are always trying to please people before you get to the public whenever you do anything that requires a corporate body to sanction it. "

" They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one. "

" I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. "

" Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid. "

" I had the worst birthday party ever when I was a child because my parents hired a pony to give rides. And these ponies are never in good health. But this one dropped dead. It just wasn't much fun after that. One kid would sit on him and the rest of us would drag him around. "

" There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better. "

" I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it. "

" I don't do Jewish stuff because I don't want people to be left out. If I mention the Torah in Alabama, it's not going to go down that well. I used to do some Jewish jokes because when I started, I used to play lots of Jewish country clubs. "

" Every audience has a personality. Some of them don't have the best personalities, but you're on a date with them for an hour and a half, so you just make the best of it. "

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" To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.' "

" I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso. "

" It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was. "

" Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them. "

" If you are who you are on stage, people pay attention. "

" I did six Broadway shows, and I noticed there weren't many female comedians. When I went to a dancing audition, there were 1,000 girls. And there were three jobs. So I said I'll just try comedy. And I loved it. "

" It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. "

" Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be. "

" My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to. "

" I started taking ballet lessons when I was 4, and I was performing in ballet companies when I was 10, and I did summer stock in Miami Beach when I was 12, and finally I said, 'I gotta go to Broadway.' "