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" There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice. "
Lewis Black
Milk
Soy
Thing
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" Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively. "
Laurence J. Peter
Correct
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Man
" Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine. "
Christopher Plummer
Over
Funny
Hit
" I just want to be myself and be real and be funny. "
Bebe Rexha
Be Real
Real
Want
" The 'Billionaire' song is what my kids tease me with. They sing it to me. It's funny. "
Bill Gates
Funny
Sing
Song
" Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be. "
Joan Rivers
Me
Funny
Forty
" A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. "
George Bernard Shaw
Government
Funny
Support
" I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. "
Emo Philips
Alone
Thanks
Sleeping
" Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn. "
Hesiod
Your
Barn
Woman
" It's a big thing now: A lot of people want to be assistants to celebrities. If you're pursuing that, you're an idiot. You're a moron. The shortest distance between two points is not a celebrity, or being next to a celebrity. "
Lewis Black
Now
Want
People
" Being funny is one of my greatest strengths. I can make girls smile when they're down, and when they're having a good time, I can carry on the joke. "
John Krasinski
Funny
Down
Time
" The funny thing is, all my friends are short. I wasn't aware of tall people till I got to high school. I didn't know they existed. I was sheltered. "
Kevin Hart
Funny
Friends
People
" Chris Hemsworth is like Christopher Reeve in that he can do two things: he can wear a big red cape without a shred of self-consciousness. But he's also funny as hell, and he's so sweet. So with all the fish-out-of-water stuff, he's so funny. So he does almost two jobs in a way. "
Tom Hiddleston
Funny
Sweet
Hell
" I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive. "
Jerry Seinfeld
I Think
Think
Delicate
" Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. "
H. L. Mencken
Will
Always
Back
" My father worked at the Naval Ordnance Lab, and they had a nine-hole course on the property. You paid a quarter. "
Lewis Black
Quarter
Property
Father
" I direct with energy. I believe in energy. I think energy is an electric thing in actors. I try to inspire, encourage, and make choices with lots of energy. And truth. I'm big fan of truth and being funny. I like leading 50 people into battle every day. "
Matthew Lillard
People
Truth
Think
" I basically started performing for my mother, going, 'Love me!' What drives you to perform is the need for that primal connection. When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person. "
Robin Williams
Love
Mother
Me
" Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away. "
Demetri Martin
Funny
Stand Up
Think
" I'm not a fan of any genre but am a fan of movies that are intelligent and/or funny. That goes across all genres: a horror movie, a zombie movie, alien invaders, chick flick, or raunchy comedy. If it's well done, I'm a fan. "
J. K. Simmons
Well Done
Movies
Funny
" There are a lot of really funny guys who are very natural in what they do: Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, Seth Rogen. "
Will Ferrell
Lot
Funny
Hill
" When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. "
George Burns
Funny
Only
Sea
" What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? "
W. Clement Stone
Scoundrel
Cork
Funny
" One man is as good as another until he has written a book. "
Benjamin Jowett
Man
He
Funny
" You meet folks who are funny and really smart and persistent and loving that are confronting this thing we call poverty, which is just a shorthand for this way of life that holds you underwater. And you just wonder what our country would be if we allowed these people to flourish and reach their full potential. "
Matthew Desmond
Funny
People
Life
" It's funny how you never think about the women you've had. It's always the ones who get away that you can't forget. "
Chuck Palahniuk
Women
Think
Always
" I don't say things to be offensive; I say things because they're funny to me. It amuses me. "
Marilyn Manson
Funny
Because
Me
" I like indoor Christmas trees. And I like people who decorate their homes with lights and all that crap. I think it's a healthy outlet for them. If they weren't covering their lawns with twinkling lights, they'd be doing something that was really, really creepy. "
Lewis Black
Christmas
Healthy
People
" 'Dirty Rotten Scoundrels' is a good one because it not only turned out, I think, to be a really funny movie but it was also a delight to shoot. We were in the South of France, working with Glenne Headly and Michael Caine and Frank Oz the director - who were just fun. "
Steve Martin
Funny
Think
Good
" But I really like hosting, I think it's a strength of mine. It allows me to improvise, and I love the spontaneity of that, and I think I'm funny behind the desk when interviewing someone. "
Garry Shandling
Funny
Love
Think
" I realized I was gay in the shower one day with Barbra Streisand. It happened while I was lathering, rinsing, and repeating with Pert Plus. As I was belting out the chorus to my favorite song from 'Funny Girl,' 'Oh my man, I love him so, he'll never know...' it hit me. "
Ross Mathews
Day
Song
Love