Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar. "

Abraham Lincoln

Related Quotes:

" They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. "

" You can't do anything to be funny. That's cringeworthy. If your humor comes out of a place of love every time, you don't make the joke bigger than you. The funniest comedians are in touch with their emotional level. "

" I write what I think is funny and I write from a sense of popping a balloon or a sense of injustice, whether it's about yourself, or whether it's about something else. It's my worldview; it doesn't mean that everybody has to agree with it. "

" The 'Billionaire' song is what my kids tease me with. They sing it to me. It's funny. "

" The avant-garde theater is fun; it is free-swinging, bold, iconoclastic, and often wildly, wildly funny. If you will approach it with childlike innocence - putting your standard responses aside, for they do not apply - if you will approach it on its own terms, I think you will be in for a liberating surprise. "

" My parents were both born in Virginia, of undistinguished families - second families, perhaps I should say. "

Abraham Lincoln

" I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. "

" Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be. "

Abraham Lincoln

" It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues. "

Abraham Lincoln

" Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn. "

" What most readers do not realize is that it takes a particular genius to write funny, to satirize. "

" I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you. "

" I don't care whether people say, ''The Office' is rubbish, 'Extras' is worse, 'Flanimals' is a waste of time. He's not funny; he never has been. I hate him.' I don't mind that at all. In fact, not only do I expect it, I celebrate it, because I think the haters are really important. "

" If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress. "

" California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange. "

" I'm thankful enough or blessed enough to be able to say that Miles Davis was a friend when he was alive, and he was a wonderful mentor and really, really funny, you know. "

" We need two kinds of acquaintances, one to complain to, while to the others we boast. "

Logan Pearsall Smith

" We the people are the rightful masters of both Congress and the courts, not to overthrow the Constitution but to overthrow the men who pervert the Constitution. "

Abraham Lincoln

" The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time. "

" Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them. "

" 'Danger Girl' can be ridiculous, but sometimes it's funny. "

" I wasn't close to my father, but I wanted to be all my life. He had a funny sense of humor, and he laughed all the time - good and loud, like I do. He was a gay Irish gentleman and very good-looking. And he wanted to be close to me, too, but we never had much time together. "

" Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening. "

Alexander Woollcott

" I got attention by being funny at school, pretending to be retarded, and jumping around with a deformed hand. "

Leonardo DiCaprio

" Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone? "

" Don't worry when you are not recognized, but strive to be worthy of recognition. "

Abraham Lincoln

" I realized I was gay in the shower one day with Barbra Streisand. It happened while I was lathering, rinsing, and repeating with Pert Plus. As I was belting out the chorus to my favorite song from 'Funny Girl,' 'Oh my man, I love him so, he'll never know...' it hit me. "

" If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything. "

William Lyon Phelps

" A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters. "

Barbara Corcoran

" We didn't even think about it, you know? I used to collect laser discs, and you'd have some college professor analyzing It's a Wonderful Life or Citizen Kane, and now it is pretty funny - the idea of commentary for a silly kid's movie, you know? "