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" Adultery is the application of democracy to love. "

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" A society made up of individuals who were all capable of original thought would probably be unendurable. "

" Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age. "

" The common argument that crime is caused by poverty is a kind of slander on the poor. "

" Injustice is relatively easy to bear; what stings is justice. "

" It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise, just and omnipotent God, but it is quite easy to imagine it run by a board of gods. "

" It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. "

" Democracy is only a dream: it should be put in the same category as Arcadia, Santa Claus, and Heaven. "

" Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage. "

" For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing. "

" One may no more live in the world without picking up the moral prejudices of the world than one will be able to go to hell without perspiring. "

" The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated. "

" There are men so philosophical that they can see humor in their own toothaches. But there has never lived a man so philosophical that he could see the toothache in his own humor. "

" Man is a beautiful machine that works very badly. "

" The worst government is often the most moral. One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane. But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression. "

" Communism, like any other revealed religion, is largely made up of prophecies. "

" Judge: a law student who marks his own examination-papers. "

" Most people are unable to write because they are unable to think, and they are unable to think because they congenitally lack the equipment to do so, just as they congenitally lack the equipment to fly over the moon. "

" The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act, even when it has worked and he has not been caught. "

" A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. "

" Time stays, we go. "

" Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable. "

" For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our friends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe. Marriage is a scheme to accomplish exactly that same end. "

" An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. "

" In the duel of sex woman fights from a dreadnought and man from an open raft. "

" The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal. "

" Temptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse. "

" A national political campaign is better than the best circus ever heard of, with a mass baptism and a couple of hangings thrown in. "

" Before a man speaks it is always safe to assume that he is a fool. After he speaks, it is seldom necessary to assume it. "

" Women have simple tastes. They get pleasure out of the conversation of children in arms and men in love. "

" A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. "