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" Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Mistake
Here
Why
Related Quotes:
" You don't even really need a place. But you feel like you're doing something. That is what coffee is. And that is one of the geniuses of the new coffee culture. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Doing
You
Feel
" I have no interest in gender or race or anything like that. But everyone else is kind of, with their calculating - is this the exact right mix? I think that's - to me it's anti-comedy. It's more about PC-nonsense. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Right
Race
Gender
" When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Myself
Roof
Bee
" There are very few people who really appreciate my shows. People come to the show and they pay and they enjoy it, but I don't really think most people really understand what they've seen. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Show
Think
Appreciate
" The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Comedy
Friends
Laugh
" When you make a TV show, they always say you're a guest in someone's home. Online, you're a guest in someone's face. So that's why I try to make it sound and look and feel very inviting and attractive, because I know that I'm in your face. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Home
Feel
Face
" If you get something right, you really feel it, right in your chest, on stage. I think it's an incomparable experience. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Get
You
Think
" Forty to 60 I would say is your prime. That's when you know the most, you've seen the most, you understand the most, and you still have some physical energy. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Energy
You
Understand
" The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Knowing
You
Talk
" The worst way of flying, I think, is standby. It never works. That's why they call it standby. You end up standing there going, 'Bye!' "
Jerry Seinfeld
Worst
Flying
Way
" We've fallen into a trap of ever-widening orbits of contact, and there is a total disregard for the present moment. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Present
Present Moment
Contact
" Stand-up is hard. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Hard
Stand-Up
" When you're in comedy, people always come up and say, 'Oh, it must be so hard.' It really isn't hard unless you're not good at it. If you can do it, its really kind of fun and easy. "
Jerry Seinfeld
You
Good
Fun
" I think of myself more as a sportsman than I do an artist. "
Jerry Seinfeld
I Think
Artist
Myself
" Stand-up is hard. Or to keep it at a certain level is hard: I have no writers but me. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Writers
Level
Keep
" Forty is when you actually begin even deserving to be on stage telling people what you think. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Begin
You
Think
" Pay attention, don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Back
You
Attention
" I'm a big believer than a great bit is a great bit - if I go and see someone I love, like Robert Klein. I want to hear some classics and some new stuff. But a great stand-up bit takes a long time to really polish and perfect, and they're beautiful things when they're done. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Love
Done
Great
" Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Now
Problem
Think
" I do probably 60 concerts a year in the States. And I go out to clubs in the week. I'm doing new stuff all the time. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Time
Year
Week
" For me, it's a purity thing about the joke itself. It's a test of a joke whether or not you do it completely clean and it works. If it does, then that's a legitimate item you have there. For me, it's nothing to do with finding those words offensive. It's just not what I'm in search of. Do it clean, and you are really earning that laugh. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Search
Laugh
You
" A lot of advertising has gotten worse. I think it's kind of lost its nerve, to be honest with you. I feel like the advertising of the '60s, they were nervier. You know why? Because there was less at stake. "
Jerry Seinfeld
You
Advertising
Know
" It takes up enough of my time and interest just working on comedy. I just enjoy it and love doing it. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Enjoy
Time
Love
" I love being a dad. I just love it. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Love
Just
I Love
" I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Special
Put
Want
" I like definitive things. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Things
Definitive
Like
" I can walk through a hotel lobby and watch people at the desk and see what they're doing. People don't look at me. They don't even know I'm there. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Doing
Walk
People
" A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Funny
You
Having
" Crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. My wife and I were discussing the different types of cranky. There's entertaining cranky, annoying cranky, angry cranky. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Comedy
Wife
Essence
" I prefer the old theaters because the audience is... trapped. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Audience
Because
Old