Home
Authors
Tags
App
Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App
" Stand-up is hard. Or to keep it at a certain level is hard: I have no writers but me. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Writers
Level
Keep
Related Quotes:
" You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Yourself
Alive
Challenges
" You spend so much time in the world of virtual that the actual - which nothing is more actual than stand-up - it's a painful experience for the audience, and the comedian a lot of time - we miss that. "
Jerry Seinfeld
World
You
Time
" If you go to a bad movie, it's two hours. If you're in a bad movie, it's two years. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Bad
Go
Hours
" Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Good
Yourself
You
" Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Men
Care
Only
" When you make a TV show, they always say you're a guest in someone's home. Online, you're a guest in someone's face. So that's why I try to make it sound and look and feel very inviting and attractive, because I know that I'm in your face. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Home
Feel
Face
" My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Law
Florida
Sixty
" The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Truth
Truth Is
Kind
" It takes up enough of my time and interest just working on comedy. I just enjoy it and love doing it. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Enjoy
Time
Love
" Nobody enjoys the 'little show about nothing' humor more than me, but that is never the way I look at it. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Me
Look
Humor
" I love being a dad. I just love it. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Love
Just
I Love
" You can be passionate about anything. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Anything
Passionate
You
" I don't need you to be funny. I don't want to be entertained. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Need
Entertained
You
" I have no interest in gender or race or anything like that. But everyone else is kind of, with their calculating - is this the exact right mix? I think that's - to me it's anti-comedy. It's more about PC-nonsense. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Right
Race
Gender
" You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. "
Jerry Seinfeld
You
Know
Essence
" When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Myself
Roof
Bee
" Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Want
Decision
Back
" I wrote an article on a new Porsche for 'Automobile Magazine.' I knew the editor, and she asked me to write this article. So I'm more proud of that than anything. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Proud
New
More
" People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Who
Deserve
Lied
" Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested. "
Jerry Seinfeld
World
Not Interested
Live
" When you're in comedy, people always come up and say, 'Oh, it must be so hard.' It really isn't hard unless you're not good at it. If you can do it, its really kind of fun and easy. "
Jerry Seinfeld
You
Good
Fun
" The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want! "
Jerry Seinfeld
Take
Want
Anything
" Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Road
Death
Only
" My theory is 98 percent of all human endeavor is killing time. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Theory
Human
Time
" We sold 'Seinfeld' all over the world but it was a very specific kind of show. In some countries it went down really well, in others they hated it. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Others
Kind
Down
" A lot of times, you could play me just the laughs from my set, and I could tell you, from the laugh, what the joke was. Because they match. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Me
Joke
Play
" You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' "
Jerry Seinfeld
See
Birthday
Cake
" There is no such thing as fun for the whole family. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Thing
Family
Fun
" I do probably 60 concerts a year in the States. And I go out to clubs in the week. I'm doing new stuff all the time. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Time
Year
Week
" Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Years
Well
Me