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" A very painful part of being a parent is having really negative feelings about your children when you love them so much. "

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" I definitely look at my body and I go: 'Yuck.' "

" For my scale, how I grew up and live my life, I'm making plenty of money. "

" Gay men have to go through something to own their - who they are. They get beat up. They get ostracized. Whatever they go through, if they survive it, they come out very confident people. "

" People don't talk to me on airplanes. "

" I'm not a political comedian. That's just not what I do. "

" There's two kinds of press that you get when you put out a TV show: The reviews, and the people that just decide what the reviews say. "

" I've had soccer moms come up and tell me they can relate when I say that I want to throw my baby in the trash. "

" There are people that really live by doing the right thing, but I don't know what that is, I'm really curious about that. I'm really curious about what people think they're doing when they're doing something evil, casually. I think it's really interesting, that we benefit from suffering so much, and we excuse ourselves from it. "

" A lot of TV is put together by teams, by writing staffs and several different directors. It's a great, very smart way to make television. It's worked for however long TV's been around. "

" I've always loved boxing. It's something I've always been extremely excited about. "

" Well, when I was younger, I lied all the time, because once you understand the power of lying, it's really like magic because you transform reality for people. "

" I like being full, every day, with stuff that I have to do. "

" I don't have a brother in real life. "

" There's been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It's really easy to say, 'Well, you're Christian, you're anti-this and that, and I hate you.' But to me, it's more interesting to say, 'What is this person like and how do they really think?' "

" Anytime you see a bit where some stranger does something to me, it's me. "

" My ex-wife, she really didn't like the material that I did. And that's something I regret, that I wasn't more careful about making sure that she was O.K. with it. I just sort of didn't ask. So that's how that goes. "

" I don't like comedy. I like funny things. I don't like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, 'Oh Jesus.' "

" I'm not sure why I'm so often disgusting on stage. I don't always know where it comes from. "

" You have to be aware of who you're talking to in an audience. "

" I could never sit down and write jokes. "

" People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not. "

" You can't cancel my stand-up tours. It's impossible. There's too many separate bosses. There is no 'bosses.' "

" I do actually use a boxing trainer when I train for stand-up. "

" When I was first divorced, I started dating younger women, and it was really exciting. But after a while I was like, 'This is just dumb.' "

" It's a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them. "

" I thought about going to NYU film school - that was this ideal to me. But I didn't make any kind of grades in high school. "

" Whenever I've encountered a Christian saying, 'Why don't you stop talking like that so I can hear you?' I think, 'Well you're the one putting the earmuffs on, but I wish you could hear me because I like you.' "

" It's easier to cancel a show if it's expensive. "

" Pushing the envelope' sort of implies that you're inside the envelope with everyone else, and you're trying to find the edges on the outsides. "

" I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor. "