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" When two kids are being completely berserk, and they're naked and throwing food around, sometimes I just let it go because I can see a future where they're going to be dressed, and they're going to be at school. So I kind of let stuff go sometimes. "

Louis C. K.

Future

I Can

Food

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" Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing. "

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" Life isn't something you possess. It's something you take part in, and you witness. "

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" I never viewed money as being 'my money' I always saw it as 'the money.' It's a resource. If it pools up around me then it needs to be flushed back out into the system. "

" I get mad like anybody else does, but being able to laugh about getting mad is very healthy, and my kids know that. "

Louis C. K.

Kids

Know

" Talking is always positive. That's why I talk too much. "

" To me, it's very exhilarating when somebody else does a great thing, and it's not me. "

" You have to be aware of who you're talking to in an audience. "

" Every day starts, my eyes open and I reload the program of misery. I open my eyes, remember who I am, what I'm like, and I just go, 'Ugh'. "

Louis C. K.

Eyes

I Am

" The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling you what it's about and I'm not telling you who's in it. "

" I love comedians. They're my community. "

" I don't believe in this idea of, 'That's hate speech, stop it.' "

" I like pressure. Pressure doesn't make me crack. It's enabling. I eat pressure, and there might be times when I get a bad feeling in my gut that this might be too much, but you feel pressure when you're not doing something, you know? "

" I've had soccer moms come up and tell me they can relate when I say that I want to throw my baby in the trash. "

Louis C. K.

Trash

Want

" I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself. "

" I think you have to try and fail, because failure gets you closer to what you're good at. "

" To me the goal of comedy is to just laugh, which is a really high hearted thing, visceral connection and reaction. "

" If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it. "

" There are people that really live by doing the right thing, but I don't know what that is, I'm really curious about that. I'm really curious about what people think they're doing when they're doing something evil, casually. I think it's really interesting, that we benefit from suffering so much, and we excuse ourselves from it. "

" People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not. "

" I do feel a lot of times like I'm out of my league with my kids in terms of what my responsibility is. "

" Whenever I've encountered a Christian saying, 'Why don't you stop talking like that so I can hear you?' I think, 'Well you're the one putting the earmuffs on, but I wish you could hear me because I like you.' "

Louis C. K.

Saying

Think

" When I am in a hotel, and I turn off the lights and the TV, I just freak out. I turn the TV back on and don't get any sleep. "

" Comedy isn't polite and it isn't correct and it isn't accurate, even. It's just a mess. So that's the way that I approach it. "

" When I read things like the foundations of capitalism are shattering, I'm like, maybe we need that. Maybe we need some time where we're walking around with a donkey with pots clanging on the sides. "

Louis C. K.

Need

Time

" Everything that people say is testable. "