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" I don't think it makes any sense to try to get anyone to not talk. "
Louis C. K.
Think
Try
Talk
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" Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing. "
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You
Sports
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" I like being full, every day, with stuff that I have to do. "
Louis C. K.
Every Day
Day
Full
" I don't think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women. "
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Better
Women
Think
" I was an awkward kid. "
Louis C. K.
Awkward
Kid
" I grew up watching all these crazy movies, European movies and stuff, and I guess that I always laughed at things that were a little more offbeat. "
Louis C. K.
Crazy
Watching
More
" Oh, I love stand-up. "
Louis C. K.
Love
Stand-Up
I Love
" I'm not motivated to entertain people through Twitter, so just by having Twitter and not saying anything, I make people mad. "
Louis C. K.
Saying
Through
Anything
" Anytime you see a bit where some stranger does something to me, it's me. "
Louis C. K.
Something
Me
You
" If I owned a network, I would never let a guy just put people on without telling me who they are. "
Louis C. K.
Me
Guy
Just
" People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not. "
Louis C. K.
I Am
People
Saying
" I thought about going to NYU film school - that was this ideal to me. But I didn't make any kind of grades in high school. "
Louis C. K.
School
High School
Grades
" You can't cancel my stand-up tours. It's impossible. There's too many separate bosses. There is no 'bosses.' "
Louis C. K.
Many
You
Cancel
" Everything that people say is testable. "
Louis C. K.
People Say
Say
Everything
" I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a time. It's like old computers that had small memory chips, they would do something called swapping, where they would fill the memory with one task, do it and get it out. "
Louis C. K.
Time
Small
Memory
" I've tried to do away with lying in my life in the last few years, but it's hard. "
Louis C. K.
Lying
Years
Last
" Most people are dead. Did you know that? It's true, out of all the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead. "
Louis C. K.
True
Almost
Dead
" A household name is like ketchup. Everybody wants ketchup. Ketchup doesn't hurt anybody. "
Louis C. K.
Ketchup
Hurt
Anybody
" I would rather be with my kids than anybody else. "
Louis C. K.
Else
Than
Would
" Every day starts, my eyes open and I reload the program of misery. I open my eyes, remember who I am, what I'm like, and I just go, 'Ugh'. "
Louis C. K.
Eyes
Go
I Am
" I could never sit down and write jokes. "
Louis C. K.
Write
Could
Down
" When you're young as a comic, you don't have a lot of leverage. "
Louis C. K.
Young
Comic
Leverage
" I've learned from experience that if you work harder at it, and apply more energy and time to it, and more consistency, you get a better result. It comes from the work. "
Louis C. K.
You
Consistency
Experience
" I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor. "
Louis C. K.
Lost
Lot
People
" There's two kinds of press that you get when you put out a TV show: The reviews, and the people that just decide what the reviews say. "
Louis C. K.
Two
You
Decide
" If I do something for my kids, I get a medal, because most fathers don't. "
Louis C. K.
Kids
Get
Because
" Pushing the envelope' sort of implies that you're inside the envelope with everyone else, and you're trying to find the edges on the outsides. "
Louis C. K.
Inside
Everyone
Find
" The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling you what it's about and I'm not telling you who's in it. "
Louis C. K.
Just
People
Same
" I was a nerd growing up, and I'm a little antisocial and awkward. "
Louis C. K.
Growing Up
Little
Up
" I don't know what it's like to be an actor, where if your show gets canceled, really you're just a bum. "
Louis C. K.
Actor
Show
Like
" Perception is created and twisted so quickly. "
Louis C. K.
Quickly
Created
Twisted