Home
Authors
Tags
App
Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App
" Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel. "
David Letterman
Say
Bad
Good
Related Quotes:
" People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine. "
David Letterman
Say
True
Strangers
" I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red. "
David Letterman
Had
Face
Boy
" For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home. "
David Letterman
Home
God
Love
" I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious. "
David Letterman
Unconscious
Just
Trying
" I have found that the only thing that does bring you happiness is doing something good for somebody who is incapable of doing it for themselves. "
David Letterman
Happiness
Bring
Doing
" USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population. "
David Letterman
Three
People
Survey
" The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves. "
David Letterman
Know
Giving
You
" President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either. "
David Letterman
American
War
Thinking
" As you know now, Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican Party, but they'll probably go with a different body. "
David Letterman
Party
You
Body
" The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral. "
David Letterman
Debate
Now
Own
" We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets. "
David Letterman
Apology
Gift
Secrets
" New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you. "
David Letterman
New York
You
Remember
" Anything worth doing is worth overdoing. "
David Letterman
Worth
Anything
Doing
" Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode? "
David Letterman
Last
God
Things
" It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said. "
David Letterman
Race
Will
Enter
" Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. "
David Letterman
Traffic
New
New York
" Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton. "
David Letterman
Mind
Paris
Now
" The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong. "
David Letterman
Who
Those
Wrong
" I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments. "
David Letterman
You
Know
Great
" President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind? "
David Letterman
Off
President
Wind
" Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees. "
David Letterman
Trees
Color
Birds
" New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move. "
David Letterman
People
Now
Great
" Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger. "
David Letterman
Importance
Next
Pull
" Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water. "
David Letterman
Wherever
Great
Land
" I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. "
David Letterman
Talk
Sing
Dance
" No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it's live. You know, it's like the same thing we do with Dick Cheney. "
David Letterman
You
Saying
Know
" If it wasn't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsover. "
David Letterman
Coffee
Personality
" We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours. "
David Letterman
Defeated
Good
News
" It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or does it not really feel like Ramadan? "
David Letterman
Thanksgiving
Now
Warm
" President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger. "
David Letterman
President
Silent
Been