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" A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on. "

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" I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. "

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" Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything. "

" The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi. "

" Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great. "

" All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it. "

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" I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. "

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" The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand. "