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" The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference. "

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" During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk. "

" Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent. "

" Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs. "

" All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it. "

" I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin. "

" You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart. "

" My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense. "

" Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. "

" An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer. "

" Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. "

" Imitation is the sincerest form of television. "

" Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. "

" I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. "

" Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. "

" An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match. "

" Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great. "

" The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand. "

" What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement. "

" Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything. "

" The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed. "

" I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. "

" I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is. "

" California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange. "

" A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary. "

" I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. "

" I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there. "

" The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi. "

" Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars. "

" A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done. "

" It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals. "