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" My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama. "

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" California is a great place to live if you're an orange. "

" I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. "

" The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference. "

" An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer. "

" What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement. "

" The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi. "

" Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year. "

" Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great. "

" I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there. "

" It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals. "

" Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making. "

" I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy. "

" Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you. "

" An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt. "

" An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission. "

" I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. "

" You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart. "

" Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs. "

" Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. "

" Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. "

" Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. "

" The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand. "

" Imitation is the sincerest form of television. "

" Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners. "

" Television is the triumph of machine over people. "

" A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better. "

" A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary. "

" I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin. "

" A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done. "

" Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars. "