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" Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. "
Fran Lebowitz
Ask
Your
Only
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" Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep. "
Fran Lebowitz
Sleep
Something
You
" To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel. "
Fran Lebowitz
Back
Rather
Go
" I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word - politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit. "
Fran Lebowitz
People
Value
Place
" You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do. "
Fran Lebowitz
People
Will
You
" Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat. "
Fran Lebowitz
Purpose
Vegetables
Good
" The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive. "
Fran Lebowitz
Someone
Reach
Attractive
" Nothing succeeds like address. "
Fran Lebowitz
Nothing
Succeeds
Like
" My favorite animal is steak. "
Fran Lebowitz
Animal
Steak
Favorite
" I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood? "
Fran Lebowitz
Wonder
Who
Smart
" Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching. "
Fran Lebowitz
Watching
Child
Day
" Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. "
Fran Lebowitz
Doors
Nature
Comfortable
" Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. "
Fran Lebowitz
Your
You
Life
" In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. "
Fran Lebowitz
Algebra
Life
Real
" If you're going to America, bring your own food. "
Fran Lebowitz
Food
You
America
" Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. "
Fran Lebowitz
Art
Feeling
People
" My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores. Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them. "
Fran Lebowitz
Speech
Freedom
Freedom Of Speech
" In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy. "
Fran Lebowitz
Democracy
Communism
Capitalism
" If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct. "
Fran Lebowitz
Him
Serious
Future
" Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you. "
Fran Lebowitz
Phone
Happy
Be Happy
" Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure. "
Fran Lebowitz
Step
Business
Dance
" Polite conversation is rarely either. "
Fran Lebowitz
Conversation
Communication
Either
" Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. "
Fran Lebowitz
Talk
People
Great
" Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football. "
Fran Lebowitz
Women
Woman
Good
" Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set. "
Fran Lebowitz
Like
Look
Crowd
" As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. "
Fran Lebowitz
Happy
You
Teen
" The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. "
Fran Lebowitz
Opposite
Waiting
Talking
" If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail. "
Fran Lebowitz
Dog
Your
You
" I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota. "
Fran Lebowitz
Because
Wanted
Never
" Humility is no substitute for a good personality. "
Fran Lebowitz
Good
Substitute
Personality
" Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable. "
Fran Lebowitz
Always
Been
Me