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" Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. "

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" Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep. "

" To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel. "

" I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word - politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit. "

" You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do. "

" Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat. "

" The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive. "

" Nothing succeeds like address. "

" My favorite animal is steak. "

" I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood? "

" Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching. "

" Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. "

" Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. "

" In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. "

" If you're going to America, bring your own food. "

" Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. "

" My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores. Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them. "

Freedom Of Speech

" In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy. "

" If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct. "

" Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you. "

" Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure. "

" Polite conversation is rarely either. "

" Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. "

" Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football. "

" Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set. "

" As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. "

" The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. "

" If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail. "

" I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota. "

" Humility is no substitute for a good personality. "

" Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable. "