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" The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. "

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" Food is an important part of a balanced diet. "

" My favorite animal is steak. "

" Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications. "

" Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk. "

" Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully. "

" Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat. "

" Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back. "

" No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation. "

" I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota. "

" Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. "

" In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. "

" Nothing succeeds like address. "

" I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood? "

" Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure. "

" Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. "

" The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink. "

" Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add. "

" Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable. "

" When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough. "

" As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. "

" There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior. "

" Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep. "

" If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail. "

" All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable. "

" You're only as good as your last haircut. "

" Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. "

" I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not. "

" The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive. "

" If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct. "