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" In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. "

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" Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back. "

" Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you. "

" Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully. "

" When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough. "

" Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable. "

" Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. "

" Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk. "

" My favorite animal is steak. "

" I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota. "

" In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy. "

" Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat. "

" Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. "

" Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure. "

" Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. "

" To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel. "

" Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try. "

" Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add. "

" Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications. "

" All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable. "

" Food is an important part of a balanced diet. "

" Andy Warhol made fame more famous. "

" Polite conversation is rarely either. "

" Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw. "

" I must take issue with the term 'a mere child', for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult. "

" If you're going to America, bring your own food. "

" Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching. "

" Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. "

" The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink. "

" You're only as good as your last haircut. "

" Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set. "