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" I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota. "
Fran Lebowitz
Because
Wanted
Never
Related Quotes:
" Polite conversation is rarely either. "
Fran Lebowitz
Conversation
Communication
Either
" Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back. "
Fran Lebowitz
Clothing
Never
Want
" Nothing succeeds like address. "
Fran Lebowitz
Nothing
Succeeds
Like
" No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation. "
Fran Lebowitz
Jump
Animal
Furniture
" In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. "
Fran Lebowitz
Algebra
Life
Real
" All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable. "
Fran Lebowitz
Fact
Children
Most
" Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football. "
Fran Lebowitz
Women
Woman
Good
" Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. "
Fran Lebowitz
Talk
People
Great
" Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met. "
Fran Lebowitz
Like
People
Born
" When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough. "
Fran Lebowitz
World
New York
New
" Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat. "
Fran Lebowitz
Easy
Most
Fun
" Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching. "
Fran Lebowitz
Watching
Child
Day
" I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood? "
Fran Lebowitz
Wonder
Who
Smart
" Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try. "
Fran Lebowitz
Life Story
Life
Book
" Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you. "
Fran Lebowitz
Phone
Happy
Be Happy
" Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications. "
Fran Lebowitz
Book
Just
School
" Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. "
Fran Lebowitz
Art
Feeling
People
" There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior. "
Fran Lebowitz
Prove
Death
Behavior
" Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure. "
Fran Lebowitz
Step
Business
Dance
" Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. "
Fran Lebowitz
Ask
Your
Only
" The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. "
Fran Lebowitz
Opposite
Waiting
Talking
" You're only as good as your last haircut. "
Fran Lebowitz
Funny
Only
You
" In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy. "
Fran Lebowitz
Democracy
Communism
Capitalism
" I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word - politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit. "
Fran Lebowitz
People
Value
Place
" If you're going to America, bring your own food. "
Fran Lebowitz
Food
You
America
" Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. "
Fran Lebowitz
Doors
Nature
Comfortable
" The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive. "
Fran Lebowitz
Someone
Reach
Attractive
" If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail. "
Fran Lebowitz
Dog
Your
You
" Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. "
Fran Lebowitz
Obvious
Even
Children
" I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not. "
Fran Lebowitz
Play
Lottery
Chance