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" You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do. "

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" I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood? "

" Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw. "

" Humility is no substitute for a good personality. "

" To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel. "

" Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set. "

" I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. "

" Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications. "

" I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota. "

" If you're going to America, bring your own food. "

" Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. "

" No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation. "

" If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail. "

" Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat. "

" There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior. "

" Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you. "

" As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. "

" You're only as good as your last haircut. "

" If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct. "

" Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. "

" If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words. "

" Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add. "

" The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive. "

" In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. "

" When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough. "

" Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure. "

" Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met. "

" My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores. Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them. "

Freedom Of Speech

" My favorite animal is steak. "

" Andy Warhol made fame more famous. "

" Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully. "