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" Humility is no substitute for a good personality. "

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" The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. "

" Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try. "

" Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully. "

" As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. "

" Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure. "

" Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. "

" Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. "

" Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat. "

" I must take issue with the term 'a mere child', for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult. "

" Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you. "

" My favorite animal is steak. "

" If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail. "

" You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do. "

" Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. "

" Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat. "

" I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word - politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit. "

" The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive. "

" Andy Warhol made fame more famous. "

" Polite conversation is rarely either. "

" Food is an important part of a balanced diet. "

" All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable. "

" The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink. "

" If you're going to America, bring your own food. "

" In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy. "

" Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. "

" If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct. "

" Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching. "

" Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable. "

" Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw. "

" Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk. "