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" It's funny what memory does, isn't it? My favorite holiday tradition might not have happened more than once or twice. But because it is such a good memory, so encapsulating of everything I love about the holidays, in my mind it happened every year. Without fail. "

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" Because death and illness are the most horrible things in life, of course that's where the most absurdly funny things are going to happen. "

Julia Sweeney

Life

Happen

Going

" I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down. "

" If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything. "

" I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny. "

" If you are doing stand-up comedy, you have to be confident in what you are doing. That doesn't mean just because you are confident you are funny. "

" I think anyone who has, you know, is in any sort of artistic pursuit, kind of goes up and down with the way they feel about their work. And I, for the most part, am pretty happy person. But, yeah. I go through definite periods of time where I'm not funny. I'm not good. I'm - I don't feel original. "

" Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it. "

" Too much agreement kills a chat. "

" I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It's chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one. "

" I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. "

" I think my funny books are my favorites because I like to laugh so much. "

" There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice. "

" You can't be a real spy and have everybody in the world know who you are and what your drink is. That's just hysterically funny. "

" When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.' "

" Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children. "

" The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun. "

" Fashions have done more harm than revolutions. "

Victor Hugo

Done

Funny

" I detest jokes - when somebody tells me one, I feel my IQ dropping; the brain cells start to disappear. But something is funny when the person delivering the line doesn't know it's funny or doesn't treat it as a joke. Maybe it comes from a place of truth, or it's a sort of rage against society. "

Johnny Depp

Brain

Society

" My father was always a straight-up funny guy. He was silly. He was my inspiration. "

Mike Myers

Guy

Always

" Everyone has at least one story, and each of us is funny if we admit it. You have to admit you're the funniest person you've ever heard of. "

" You know, fame is a funny thing, man, especially, you know, actors, musicians, rappers, rock singers, it's kind of a lifestyle and it's easy to get caught up in it - you go to bars, you go to clubs, everyone's doing a certain thing... It's tough. "

" Reality television paints a simple black-and-white world of good characters and bad characters; people we want to root for and people we want to see ruined. There is none of the gray ambiguity that colors real life. I no longer watch a lot of reality television, but sometimes I can't look away from 'Honey Boo Boo.' I just can't. "

" I run around my house naked with heels all the time. It's so funny. "

" Every dogma has its day. "

" Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive. "

" I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. "

Rose Kennedy

Old

Funny

" I don't need you to be funny. I don't want to be entertained. "

" My mother was a nurse, and in her era, most diseases weren't understood; people put mustard plasters on knees and rubbed camphor on your chest if you had a cough and did funny things to you if you had tuberculosis - all these things that really made very little difference once proper treatments were brought in. "

" I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. "

" It's funny: I was a photographer before I was a programmer. "