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" Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add. "

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" The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. "

" Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep. "

" If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail. "

" Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk. "

" When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough. "

" You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do. "

" Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat. "

" Humility is no substitute for a good personality. "

" Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. "

" Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw. "

" Food is an important part of a balanced diet. "

" Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable. "

" In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy. "

" I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word - politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit. "

" The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink. "

" You're only as good as your last haircut. "

" All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable. "

" In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. "

" My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores. Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them. "

Freedom Of Speech

" Andy Warhol made fame more famous. "

" Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. "

" Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. "

" If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words. "

" Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications. "

" There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior. "

" Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat. "

" Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching. "

" Polite conversation is rarely either. "

" Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set. "

" Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. "