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" Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully. "

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" If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail. "

" Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep. "

" Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw. "

" If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct. "

" Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add. "

" Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat. "

" All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable. "

" Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. "

" Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. "

" Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met. "

" The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink. "

" You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do. "

" Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure. "

" My favorite animal is steak. "

" No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation. "

" Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. "

" Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk. "

" To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel. "

" Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications. "

" When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough. "

" Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back. "

" I must take issue with the term 'a mere child', for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult. "

" I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not. "

" I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. "

" Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try. "

" You're only as good as your last haircut. "

" There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior. "

" Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat. "

" My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores. Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them. "

Freedom Of Speech

" Nothing succeeds like address. "