Home
Authors
Tags
App
Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App
" I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11. "
Steven Wright
Same
Changed
Related Quotes:
" I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.' "
Steven Wright
Bank
Money
Going
" The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is. "
Steven Wright
Impossible
Place
World
" I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me. "
Steven Wright
Watch
Thought
Night
" Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff. "
Steven Wright
Stuff
Box
Black
" I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends. "
Steven Wright
Mirror
Funny
Think
" I invented the cordless extension cord. "
Steven Wright
Extension
Cord
Invented
" I was always making my friends laugh, but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom. "
Steven Wright
Classroom
Friends
Laugh
" I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side. "
Steven Wright
Way
Visionary
Future
" I like to talk about lint and coasters, the expansion of the universe and maybe McDonald's. I'm completely turned off by the idea of politics. "
Steven Wright
Like
Universe
Talk
" There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. "
Steven Wright
Shore
Standing
Fishing
" My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right; don't send me a bill until I pay you.' "
Steven Wright
Work
You
Better
" Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen. "
Steven Wright
Me
Wonder
Just
" I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. "
Steven Wright
Time
Breakfast
Renaissance
" There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person. "
Steven Wright
Fun
Experience
Live
" I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am. "
Steven Wright
Face
School
Teacher
" I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. "
Steven Wright
Kept
Mind
Daydream
" To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is. "
Steven Wright
Know
Audience
Everything
" Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. "
Steven Wright
Caught
Year
Line
" One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him. "
Steven Wright
Street
Money
One Day
" When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say it all the right way. It's funny how different it looks and how it's happening. There are three Fellini circuses in my head, and outwardly it looks like I'm going to get a bagel. "
Steven Wright
Mind
Remember
Three
" Hermits have no peer pressure. "
Steven Wright
Peer
Hermits
Pressure
" The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me. "
Steven Wright
Me
Other
Day
" You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor. "
Steven Wright
Life
Humor
Head
" If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you. "
Steven Wright
Then
You
Succeed
" Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram. "
Steven Wright
Real Life
Real
Life
" Is it weird in here, or is it just me? "
Steven Wright
Me
Just
Here
" I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination; I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be. "
Steven Wright
Imagination
Thought
Feeling
" Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. "
Steven Wright
Country
Live
Skiing
" You can't have everything. Where would you put it? "
Steven Wright
Put
You
Would
" I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.' "
Steven Wright
Happy
Singing
Birthday