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" Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. "
Larry David
Know
Happy
Only
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" Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough. "
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" Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about it. "
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" I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab. "
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" You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid. "
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" I'm still driving a Prius, yeah. "
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" I'm surprised sometimes at how some of my actions are misinterpreted. "
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" When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name, I would walk around the streets and occasionally I would see an alcove or something. And I'd think, that'll be good, that'll be a good spot for me when I'm homeless. "
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" And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but a version of me. "
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" Drugs scared me. "
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" My life has changed. I'm not walking around any more wishing I wasn't me, which was the case at one time. "
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" Anytime I'm involved with anything that's well-received, it's a surprise to me. "
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Anything
Surprise
Me
" I don't think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It's not even interesting to me. "
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Reading
Even
Interesting
" If I tried to flirt with a woman and she didn't know who I was, she would run away. "
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Woman
She
Flirt
" If I wasn't a golfer, I would still be miserable - but not as miserable. "
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Would
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" Women love a self-confident bald man. "
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Love
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" Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate. "
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Eat
Fight
Fighting
" I don't take on big things. What I do, pretty much, is make the big things small and the small things big. "
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Small Things
Small
Pretty
" Religion doesn't play any part in my life in terms of how I live my life. But I don't think I've ever gone through a day in my life without hearing someone say the word 'Jew' or saying it myself. "
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" I'm not interested in closure. Some people just have heart attacks and die, right? There's no closure. "
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Die
People
Right
" Well, after the divorce, I went home and turned all the lights on! "
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Well
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Home
" I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one thing that I feel like I could do, it would be that. That doesn't mean that I like it, but I feel that's what I am. "
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Like
Feel
Mean
" The lunch in a normal American restaurant is very problematic for me. I don't like to have hot food for lunch. "
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American
Lunch
Me
" Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline. "
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Before
Bad
Jokes
" Sometimes I have these fantasies of just moving to a foreign country and coming back with a full head of hair. Or not even come back! Make a new life there with hair... Change my name, just see what happens. "
Larry David
Name
Moving
Back
" I'm not quite as anonymous as I was. "
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Quite
Anonymous
" The best situation is being a single parent. The best part about is that you get time off, too, because the kids are with their mom, so it's the best of both worlds. There's a lot to be said for it. "
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" I've led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that heritage on and ensure that the misery will continue for at least one more generation. "
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Generation
" I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish. "
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Night
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First
" You write about what you know. "
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You
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