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" There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it. "

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" The 'Billionaire' song is what my kids tease me with. They sing it to me. It's funny. "

" Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. "

" Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is. "

" Ignoring fame was my rebellion, in a funny way. I was insistent on being normal and doing normal things. It probably wasn't advisable to go to college in America and room with a complete stranger. And it probably wasn't wise to share a bathroom with eight other people in a coed dorm. Looking back, that was crazy. "

" A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. "

" I'm quite sarcastic, and I'm funny, but not kind of funny. It's a weird funny, and some people don't get me, and some people do. "

Millie Bobby Brown

" My mother is very funny. She is from a village; she has a typical village kind of humour. Often she says a lot of things she herself isn't aware is a punch line. "

" Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It's enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again. "

" I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I've ever met. "

" Funny things tend not to happen to me. I am not a natural comic. I need to think about things a lot before I can be even remotely amusing. "

" Every dogma has its day. "

Anthony Burgess

" I'm thankful enough or blessed enough to be able to say that Miles Davis was a friend when he was alive, and he was a wonderful mentor and really, really funny, you know. "

" You know how old I am? I'm so old, I remember when Letterman used to be funny and it was presidents who were serious. That's how old I am. "

" The great thing for me about 'The Resurrection of Gavin Stone' is it's a throwback to the old fashioned Hollywood movie that you can watch with your family, has a message, and is funny and entertaining. They didn't call them faith-based movies; they just called them good movies. "

" Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone? "

" Include me out. "

" To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. "

" The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" If you are doing stand-up comedy, you have to be confident in what you are doing. That doesn't mean just because you are confident you are funny. "

Judah Friedlander

" I think it's a comedian's job to make everything funny. Nothing is off-limits. "

" Does it bother me that I'm attached to 'Three's Company' 30 years after? Not at all. All we were trying to do was be funny. How can I complain? That's all I wanted to do. "

" Just put down 9/11... I think, on most things I'm liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things I'm kind of conservative on. "

" We are all born mad. Some remain so. "

" I'm good at coming up with wacky characters and funny dialogue. "

" There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice. "

" I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. "

" I think I knew I was funny in Elementary School. I think most funny people realize it when they're young. It tends to come out of stress or trauma - something that makes you want to be funny. "

" There's something very authentic about humor, when you think about it. Anybody can pretend to be serious. But you can't pretend to be funny. "

" I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. "

" Who included me among the ranks of the human race? "