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" I'm going to be a 'Chopped' champion. "

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" I worked at Military Media, an advertising agency for military-base newspapers. Don't ask, I won't tell. "

" For me, humor is everything! "

" As scary as it was being raised by one Jewish mother, I have to feel for my kids because they have two Jewish mothers. "

" I have decided now that my mother should be the GPS woman, don't you think? That would be fantastic: 'Make a left in 11 miles. Get over now - I want you to be prepared. Turn right on Elm Street, I want to see if Myrna Rosenblatt is still alive. Make your second left by the Dairy Queen. Don't go in, they're anti-Semitic.' "

" I love standup, but not the grind of traveling and dealing with club owners. "

" My two sons are the biggest pigs - always dirty, sweaty, burping and farting. "

" My Shabbat dinner is not to be reckoned with. "

" I'm not sure when exactly I knew I was funny, but I always knew I was different. I never had an 'edit' button and would say whatever came into my head. Most of the time, what came out of my mouth was the very thing everyone else was thinking - but too polite or afraid to verbalize. "

" Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative. "

" I've done stand-up since I was 18 years old, and I absolutely love it, but I used to go onstage, and the audience was my peers. Now I go onstage, and I could be their mother. "

" My mother loves it when I talk about her. Half the time, I think she says things that she knows will go straight into the act. "

" I realize as I get older that stand-up is a huge part of who I am. I think I'll do it for the rest of my life. "

" I live on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. I live in a 950-square-foot apartment with one bathroom and two sons. "

" I try to win the love and approval of strangers, since it didn't work with my family. "

" Growing up in New Jersey, bat mitzvas were all about the elegant parties. "

" It's fun to be someone else. "

" Over the years, things got so bad between my mother and I, we stopped talking to each other and started communicating by putting Ann Landers articles on the refrigerator. "

" We all know showbiz isn't easy, but being a comic - especially being a female comic - can be quite punishing. "

" I like being able to donate my comedy to charity. I'm not a billionaire, and I can't write checks. "

" Joan Rivers was my hero. "

" Women risked their lives for the right to vote. When I hear people say, 'Oh, I'm not gonna vote,' I just wanna tear their heart out. "

" Female comics cannot dress provocatively on stage. "

" My desire for my own sitcom began as a little girl - I spent hours lying on my belly on the shag carpeting getting lost in the world of the '70s sitcom. All I wanted to do was run away to the Brady house, The Partridge Family bus; even the project on 'Good Times' seemed better than Clark, NJ. "

" The first time I did stand-up was on a dare. "

" I love being a Givenik Ambassador. Not only does it give me a platform to discuss my favorite charities, but I get to talk about my other favorite topic - 'The Judy Show!' "

" I do believe that it's something that we don't talk about, but when there are clearly defined gender roles, it is much simpler. Because you don't have to think, which people apparently don't like to do. "

" I've gotten resistance for my entire career. "

" When you see another tall woman on the street, you nod, sort of like Orthodox Jews. "

" Joan Rivers broke down barriers, advocated for free speech, and never apologized for who she was. "