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" Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative. "

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" When I was a kid, I'd read about celebrities who didn't want to talk to their fans after a show. I told myself, 'That's terrible, and I would never do that.' "

" My partner and I had our first son in 1996, and the office became the baby's room. Our second son was born in 2001, and the office became the kids' room. "

" Many comics stay in one city and develop their acts for that particular audience. "

" Mother humor is such a universal theme. I wrote a show called '25 Questions for a Jewish Mother.' I had people coming up to me after the show saying, 'I'm Baptist, and my mother is just like yours.' "

" Joan Rivers broke down barriers, advocated for free speech, and never apologized for who she was. "

" I'm not sure when exactly I knew I was funny, but I always knew I was different. I never had an 'edit' button and would say whatever came into my head. Most of the time, what came out of my mouth was the very thing everyone else was thinking - but too polite or afraid to verbalize. "

" I live on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. I live in a 950-square-foot apartment with one bathroom and two sons. "

" I've never been on one of these shows where you have to make alliances and be a team player. "

" I'm not selfish at all. "

" I worked at Military Media, an advertising agency for military-base newspapers. Don't ask, I won't tell. "

" Remember the phrase - 'Act your age, not your shoe size?' That didn't apply to me, as they were the same until the age of 12 when my feet stopped growing. "

" Over the years, things got so bad between my mother and I, we stopped talking to each other and started communicating by putting Ann Landers articles on the refrigerator. "

" I have decided now that my mother should be the GPS woman, don't you think? That would be fantastic: 'Make a left in 11 miles. Get over now - I want you to be prepared. Turn right on Elm Street, I want to see if Myrna Rosenblatt is still alive. Make your second left by the Dairy Queen. Don't go in, they're anti-Semitic.' "

" When I got a part in 'All American Girl,' in 1994, I remember thinking, 'Now I have a series, I'm not going to need to do standup,' but every night I'd go out afterward and get onstage somewhere. "

" If I was married to a man, and I had the same life situation that I have, it's the perfect recipe for a sitcom. "

" Growing up in New Jersey, bat mitzvas were all about the elegant parties. "

" Female comics cannot dress provocatively on stage. "

" Women risked their lives for the right to vote. When I hear people say, 'Oh, I'm not gonna vote,' I just wanna tear their heart out. "

" People always think you have a lot of money when they see you on TV. "

" As scary as it was being raised by one Jewish mother, I have to feel for my kids because they have two Jewish mothers. "

" In America, I've been told so many times that I look 'too Jewish' that I stopped counting. "

" I'm going to be a 'Chopped' champion. "

" It's fun to be someone else. "

" My two sons are the biggest pigs - always dirty, sweaty, burping and farting. "

" I try to win the love and approval of strangers, since it didn't work with my family. "

" For me, humor is everything! "

" Joan Rivers was my hero. "

" I started taking all these cooking classes. I learned a lot in them, but you think you're going to retain it, and you don't. Under the pressure, it's hard to retain everything. "

" I love the vulgar. I kind of have the humor of a 17-year-old boy. "

" I do believe that it's something that we don't talk about, but when there are clearly defined gender roles, it is much simpler. Because you don't have to think, which people apparently don't like to do. "