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" As scary as it was being raised by one Jewish mother, I have to feel for my kids because they have two Jewish mothers. "

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" I love standup, but not the grind of traveling and dealing with club owners. "

" Some people use stand-up to get something else in their careers, but it's truly the art form of stand-up I love. "

" There is nothing - nothing - like writing a great joke and having that joke kill onstage. "

" I'm going to be a 'Chopped' champion. "

" Joan Rivers broke down barriers, advocated for free speech, and never apologized for who she was. "

" I started taking all these cooking classes. I learned a lot in them, but you think you're going to retain it, and you don't. Under the pressure, it's hard to retain everything. "

" When I was a kid, I'd read about celebrities who didn't want to talk to their fans after a show. I told myself, 'That's terrible, and I would never do that.' "

" The first time I did stand-up was on a dare. "

" Over the years, things got so bad between my mother and I, we stopped talking to each other and started communicating by putting Ann Landers articles on the refrigerator. "

" Women risked their lives for the right to vote. When I hear people say, 'Oh, I'm not gonna vote,' I just wanna tear their heart out. "

" When Joan Rivers walked through the curtain on 'The Tonight Show,' nobody in my house was allowed to utter a sound. Her gait was full of pep and purpose and her voice unmatched. "

" Comedy is all about having a point of view, and it's also about power. "

" Unfortunately, I cook for two boys, and they don't care what it looks like on the plate, and neither do I. "

" Many comics stay in one city and develop their acts for that particular audience. "

" I like being able to donate my comedy to charity. I'm not a billionaire, and I can't write checks. "

" It's fun to be someone else. "

" Comedy is the most palliative way to make a point. People are more willing to listen if they can laugh. "

" If I wasn't true to myself, I couldn't live with myself. "

" There is no reason to be ashamed of who you are. "

" Women are taught that if you want to be a lady, keep your opinions to yourself and be polite. "

" When you see another tall woman on the street, you nod, sort of like Orthodox Jews. "

" I've done stand-up since I was 18 years old, and I absolutely love it, but I used to go onstage, and the audience was my peers. Now I go onstage, and I could be their mother. "

" To have a job making people laugh really is the greatest thing. "

" I'm not sure when exactly I knew I was funny, but I always knew I was different. I never had an 'edit' button and would say whatever came into my head. Most of the time, what came out of my mouth was the very thing everyone else was thinking - but too polite or afraid to verbalize. "

" I've gotten resistance for my entire career. "

" My partner and I had our first son in 1996, and the office became the baby's room. Our second son was born in 2001, and the office became the kids' room. "

" I live on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. I live in a 950-square-foot apartment with one bathroom and two sons. "

" I would love to get married, first of all, from my children's perspective. People don't think of children when they think of gay marriage, but I do have children, and for them to see their family validated as other families are validated and protected by our government, yes. "

" My Shabbat dinner is not to be reckoned with. "

" Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative. "