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" I have decided now that my mother should be the GPS woman, don't you think? That would be fantastic: 'Make a left in 11 miles. Get over now - I want you to be prepared. Turn right on Elm Street, I want to see if Myrna Rosenblatt is still alive. Make your second left by the Dairy Queen. Don't go in, they're anti-Semitic.' "

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" I'm not sure when exactly I knew I was funny, but I always knew I was different. I never had an 'edit' button and would say whatever came into my head. Most of the time, what came out of my mouth was the very thing everyone else was thinking - but too polite or afraid to verbalize. "

Judy Gold

Thinking

Time

Funny

" The fight in theatre is focus, focus, focus. "

" I'm not selfish at all. "

Judy Gold

Selfish

" When I was a kid, I'd read about celebrities who didn't want to talk to their fans after a show. I told myself, 'That's terrible, and I would never do that.' "

" People always think you have a lot of money when they see you on TV. "

" I realize as I get older that stand-up is a huge part of who I am. I think I'll do it for the rest of my life. "

" My mother loves it when I talk about her. Half the time, I think she says things that she knows will go straight into the act. "

" If I was married to a man, and I had the same life situation that I have, it's the perfect recipe for a sitcom. "

" There is nothing - nothing - like writing a great joke and having that joke kill onstage. "

Judy Gold

Nothing

Writing

" I worked at Military Media, an advertising agency for military-base newspapers. Don't ask, I won't tell. "

" When you see another tall woman on the street, you nod, sort of like Orthodox Jews. "

" My mother is a tall woman - as is everyone in my family. At her prime, she stood 5 feet 9 inches, which is quite unusual for a woman born in 1922. "

" I started taking all these cooking classes. I learned a lot in them, but you think you're going to retain it, and you don't. Under the pressure, it's hard to retain everything. "

" Comedy is the most palliative way to make a point. People are more willing to listen if they can laugh. "

" Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative. "

" Comedy is all about having a point of view, and it's also about power. "

" I love the vulgar. I kind of have the humor of a 17-year-old boy. "

" My Shabbat dinner is not to be reckoned with. "

Judy Gold

Dinner

Reckoned

" Women risked their lives for the right to vote. When I hear people say, 'Oh, I'm not gonna vote,' I just wanna tear their heart out. "

" I live on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. I live in a 950-square-foot apartment with one bathroom and two sons. "

" To have a job making people laugh really is the greatest thing. "

" 'The Judy Show' would be the name of my TV show if I had one, but I don't. "

Judy Gold

Show

Had

" We all know showbiz isn't easy, but being a comic - especially being a female comic - can be quite punishing. "

" When Joan Rivers walked through the curtain on 'The Tonight Show,' nobody in my house was allowed to utter a sound. Her gait was full of pep and purpose and her voice unmatched. "

" My desire for my own sitcom began as a little girl - I spent hours lying on my belly on the shag carpeting getting lost in the world of the '70s sitcom. All I wanted to do was run away to the Brady house, The Partridge Family bus; even the project on 'Good Times' seemed better than Clark, NJ. "

" When I got a part in 'All American Girl,' in 1994, I remember thinking, 'Now I have a series, I'm not going to need to do standup,' but every night I'd go out afterward and get onstage somewhere. "

" My partner and I had our first son in 1996, and the office became the baby's room. Our second son was born in 2001, and the office became the kids' room. "

" My two sons are the biggest pigs - always dirty, sweaty, burping and farting. "

" Remember the phrase - 'Act your age, not your shoe size?' That didn't apply to me, as they were the same until the age of 12 when my feet stopped growing. "

" If I wasn't true to myself, I couldn't live with myself. "