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" My two sons are the biggest pigs - always dirty, sweaty, burping and farting. "
Judy Gold
Sons
Two
Biggest
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" I try to win the love and approval of strangers, since it didn't work with my family. "
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Win
Family
Work
" I've gotten resistance for my entire career. "
Judy Gold
Resistance
Entire Career
Career
" We all know showbiz isn't easy, but being a comic - especially being a female comic - can be quite punishing. "
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Comic
Know
Easy
" I have decided now that my mother should be the GPS woman, don't you think? That would be fantastic: 'Make a left in 11 miles. Get over now - I want you to be prepared. Turn right on Elm Street, I want to see if Myrna Rosenblatt is still alive. Make your second left by the Dairy Queen. Don't go in, they're anti-Semitic.' "
Judy Gold
Mother
Street
Think
" Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative. "
Judy Gold
Halloween
Creative
Opportunity
" Growing up in New Jersey, bat mitzvas were all about the elegant parties. "
Judy Gold
Bat
About
Up
" Of course I love cooking Eastern European food because I'm a Jew, but I also love making roast chicken. I love making Hungarian goulash. There are a lot of egg noodles in my cooking. "
Judy Gold
Food
Chicken
Cooking
" I didn't want to be known as a gay comic, but as a comic who happens to be gay. "
Judy Gold
Want
Comic
Gay
" 'The Judy Show' would be the name of my TV show if I had one, but I don't. "
Judy Gold
TV
Show
Had
" I'm not selfish at all. "
Judy Gold
Selfish
" My mother loves it when I talk about her. Half the time, I think she says things that she knows will go straight into the act. "
Judy Gold
Think
Talk
Her
" I love the vulgar. I kind of have the humor of a 17-year-old boy. "
Judy Gold
Love
Vulgar
Kind
" Female comics cannot dress provocatively on stage. "
Judy Gold
Female
Stage
Cannot
" I like being able to donate my comedy to charity. I'm not a billionaire, and I can't write checks. "
Judy Gold
Being
Charity
Comedy
" The more life experience you have, the more comedy you can write. "
Judy Gold
Comedy
You
More
" The first time I did stand-up was on a dare. "
Judy Gold
Dare
Time
First
" I always dreamed of living in N.Y.C. "
Judy Gold
Dreamed
Living
Always
" Mother humor is such a universal theme. I wrote a show called '25 Questions for a Jewish Mother.' I had people coming up to me after the show saying, 'I'm Baptist, and my mother is just like yours.' "
Judy Gold
Saying
Mother
Humor
" Over the years, things got so bad between my mother and I, we stopped talking to each other and started communicating by putting Ann Landers articles on the refrigerator. "
Judy Gold
Got
Bad
Started
" Joan Rivers broke down barriers, advocated for free speech, and never apologized for who she was. "
Judy Gold
Speech
She
Rivers
" Women are taught that if you want to be a lady, keep your opinions to yourself and be polite. "
Judy Gold
Yourself
Lady
Opinions
" I love standup, but not the grind of traveling and dealing with club owners. "
Judy Gold
Love
Grind
Club
" I do believe that it's something that we don't talk about, but when there are clearly defined gender roles, it is much simpler. Because you don't have to think, which people apparently don't like to do. "
Judy Gold
People
Believe
Gender
" As scary as it was being raised by one Jewish mother, I have to feel for my kids because they have two Jewish mothers. "
Judy Gold
Mother
Mothers
Scary
" I would love to get married, first of all, from my children's perspective. People don't think of children when they think of gay marriage, but I do have children, and for them to see their family validated as other families are validated and protected by our government, yes. "
Judy Gold
People
Children
Love
" When Joan Rivers walked through the curtain on 'The Tonight Show,' nobody in my house was allowed to utter a sound. Her gait was full of pep and purpose and her voice unmatched. "
Judy Gold
Nobody
Purpose
Voice
" Unfortunately, I cook for two boys, and they don't care what it looks like on the plate, and neither do I. "
Judy Gold
Care
Cook
Like
" Remember the phrase - 'Act your age, not your shoe size?' That didn't apply to me, as they were the same until the age of 12 when my feet stopped growing. "
Judy Gold
Growing
Feet
Age
" I'm not sure when exactly I knew I was funny, but I always knew I was different. I never had an 'edit' button and would say whatever came into my head. Most of the time, what came out of my mouth was the very thing everyone else was thinking - but too polite or afraid to verbalize. "
Judy Gold
Thinking
Time
Funny
" I've never been on one of these shows where you have to make alliances and be a team player. "
Judy Gold
Where
Team
Never