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" You don't even really need a place. But you feel like you're doing something. That is what coffee is. And that is one of the geniuses of the new coffee culture. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Doing
You
Feel
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" As a comedian, I found this thing, this profession, that suits my mind and life force. To drop it to do something else? I just don't get that. "
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" If you're a surfer, you just want to surf. You don't know if anyone's going to see you, and you don't really care if they see you. You just live for that feeling. "
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" There's different kinds of laughs. It's like a baseball lineup: this guy's your power hitter, this guy gets on base, this guy works out walks. If everybody does their job, we're gonna win. "
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" Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason. "
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" For me, it's a purity thing about the joke itself. It's a test of a joke whether or not you do it completely clean and it works. If it does, then that's a legitimate item you have there. For me, it's nothing to do with finding those words offensive. It's just not what I'm in search of. Do it clean, and you are really earning that laugh. "
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" I can walk through a hotel lobby and watch people at the desk and see what they're doing. People don't look at me. They don't even know I'm there. "
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" Taking in a baseball game on TV is also a big treat. "
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" When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself. "
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" Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV. "
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" When you make a TV show, they always say you're a guest in someone's home. Online, you're a guest in someone's face. So that's why I try to make it sound and look and feel very inviting and attractive, because I know that I'm in your face. "
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" People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to. "
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" A lot of advertising has gotten worse. I think it's kind of lost its nerve, to be honest with you. I feel like the advertising of the '60s, they were nervier. You know why? Because there was less at stake. "
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" I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything. "
Jerry Seinfeld
You
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Doing
" It takes up enough of my time and interest just working on comedy. I just enjoy it and love doing it. "
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Love
" Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death. "
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" I love being a dad. I just love it. "
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" I have no interest in gender or race or anything like that. But everyone else is kind of, with their calculating - is this the exact right mix? I think that's - to me it's anti-comedy. It's more about PC-nonsense. "
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" That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me. "
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Me
" To a guy like me, a laugh is full of information. "
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Like
Laugh
" I do probably 60 concerts a year in the States. And I go out to clubs in the week. I'm doing new stuff all the time. "
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Time
Year
Week
" Nobody enjoys the 'little show about nothing' humor more than me, but that is never the way I look at it. "
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" Forty is when you actually begin even deserving to be on stage telling people what you think. "
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" We sold 'Seinfeld' all over the world but it was a very specific kind of show. In some countries it went down really well, in others they hated it. "
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" When you're in comedy, people always come up and say, 'Oh, it must be so hard.' It really isn't hard unless you're not good at it. If you can do it, its really kind of fun and easy. "
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" There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.' "
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" I won't do something unless I can get at least two or three good laughs out of it. If I can't, it's not gonna make the team. "
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" The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing. "
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" I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu. "
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" Stand-up is hard. Or to keep it at a certain level is hard: I have no writers but me. "
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" The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun. "
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