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" A lot of advertising has gotten worse. I think it's kind of lost its nerve, to be honest with you. I feel like the advertising of the '60s, they were nervier. You know why? Because there was less at stake. "

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" Forty to 60 I would say is your prime. That's when you know the most, you've seen the most, you understand the most, and you still have some physical energy. "

Jerry Seinfeld

Energy

You

Understand

" There's different kinds of laughs. It's like a baseball lineup: this guy's your power hitter, this guy gets on base, this guy works out walks. If everybody does their job, we're gonna win. "

Jerry Seinfeld

Job

Win

" I have no interest in gender or race or anything like that. But everyone else is kind of, with their calculating - is this the exact right mix? I think that's - to me it's anti-comedy. It's more about PC-nonsense. "

" I think of myself more as a sportsman than I do an artist. "

" To a guy like me, a laugh is full of information. "

Jerry Seinfeld

Laugh

" I won't do something unless I can get at least two or three good laughs out of it. If I can't, it's not gonna make the team. "

" Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV. "

" It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. "

" I prefer the old theaters because the audience is... trapped. "

" Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end. "

" There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.' "

" The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing. "

" You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive. "

" My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law. "

" Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome. "

" To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving. "

Jerry Seinfeld

Live

Movement

" When you're in comedy, people always come up and say, 'Oh, it must be so hard.' It really isn't hard unless you're not good at it. If you can do it, its really kind of fun and easy. "

" Crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. My wife and I were discussing the different types of cranky. There's entertaining cranky, annoying cranky, angry cranky. "

" A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking. "

" Men want to make women happy. "

" Forty is when you actually begin even deserving to be on stage telling people what you think. "

" My theory is 98 percent of all human endeavor is killing time. "

" Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it's my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers. "

" I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive. "

" I can walk through a hotel lobby and watch people at the desk and see what they're doing. People don't look at me. They don't even know I'm there. "

" The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun. "

" I do probably 60 concerts a year in the States. And I go out to clubs in the week. I'm doing new stuff all the time. "

" A lot of times, you could play me just the laughs from my set, and I could tell you, from the laugh, what the joke was. Because they match. "

Jerry Seinfeld

Joke

Play

" I'm a big believer than a great bit is a great bit - if I go and see someone I love, like Robert Klein. I want to hear some classics and some new stuff. But a great stand-up bit takes a long time to really polish and perfect, and they're beautiful things when they're done. "

" Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason. "