Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" Nobody enjoys the 'little show about nothing' humor more than me, but that is never the way I look at it. "

Related Quotes:

" There are very few people who really appreciate my shows. People come to the show and they pay and they enjoy it, but I don't really think most people really understand what they've seen. "

" Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end. "

" I've done a number of Super Bowl ads. And that is the best advertising of the year. That is when people realize they're going to be compared directly against other ads. "

" I kind of thought that stand-up comedy would suffer from the Internet because people seem to know more about the craft of stand-up than ever before. I thought it would seem trite. Kind of like if you know more about magicians, you wouldn't love them. "

" The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say. "

" You can be passionate about anything. "

" I don't need you to be funny. I don't want to be entertained. "

" You want to do good things, and once you've done a couple of good things in a row, you think 'Well gee, let's not mess this up.' But I am lucky at this point that I have something I really love to do, and it completely holds my attention. I never feel frustrated by it. "

" I won't do something unless I can get at least two or three good laughs out of it. If I can't, it's not gonna make the team. "

" Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game. "

" The Internet offers opportunities that are more unique than ever before. With TV, I know I'm making 22 minutes; I know there's a commercial in the middle. With the Internet, no one knows anything. No rules. "

" I like definitive things. "

" Forty to 60 I would say is your prime. That's when you know the most, you've seen the most, you understand the most, and you still have some physical energy. "

" That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me. "

" Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested. "

" We've fallen into a trap of ever-widening orbits of contact, and there is a total disregard for the present moment. "

" I do a little thing about the way people shake the sweetener packet. You know, like they're all excited. I want to get all the granules down to one end. I love all these rituals. "

" The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing. "

" We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup. "

" If you go to a bad movie, it's two hours. If you're in a bad movie, it's two years. "

" Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome. "

" The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want! "

" If you're a surfer, you just want to surf. You don't know if anyone's going to see you, and you don't really care if they see you. You just live for that feeling. "

" Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV. "

" I'm a big believer than a great bit is a great bit - if I go and see someone I love, like Robert Klein. I want to hear some classics and some new stuff. But a great stand-up bit takes a long time to really polish and perfect, and they're beautiful things when they're done. "

" I have no interest in gender or race or anything like that. But everyone else is kind of, with their calculating - is this the exact right mix? I think that's - to me it's anti-comedy. It's more about PC-nonsense. "

" A lot of advertising has gotten worse. I think it's kind of lost its nerve, to be honest with you. I feel like the advertising of the '60s, they were nervier. You know why? Because there was less at stake. "

" I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive. "

" My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law. "

" There is no such thing as fun for the whole family. "