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" Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does. "

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" I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. "

" I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. "

" A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. "

" Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. "

" I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. "

" It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. "

" Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. "

" No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early. "

" I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. "

" In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. "

" Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. "

" Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. "

" Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it. "

" I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract. "

" Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. "

" The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. "

" I must confess, I was born at a very early age. "

" A man's only as old as the woman he feels. "

" I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member. "

" Go, and never darken my towels again. "

" She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. "

" I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it. "

" I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. "

" My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one. "

" Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. "

" I intend to live forever, or die trying. "

" Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. "

" One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. "

" Room service? Send up a larger room. "

" All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats. "