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" Room service? Send up a larger room. "

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" I must confess, I was born at a very early age. "

" My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something. "

" Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. "

" She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. "

" Humor is reason gone mad. "

" Go, and never darken my towels again. "

" Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse. "

" I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. "

" Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. "

" Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. "

" In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. "

" Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. "

" Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. "

" All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats. "

" I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up. "

" I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. "

" Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. "

" I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. "

" Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. "

" Women should be obscene and not heard. "

" Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. "

" Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me? "

" Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. "

" A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. "

" If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you. "

" Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. "

" Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! "

" Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? "

" I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. "

" I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it. "