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" A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. "
" Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. "
" Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. "
" I intend to live forever, or die trying. "
" Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does. "
" A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. "
" I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. "
" Before I speak, I have something important to say. "
" Go, and never darken my towels again. "
" I must confess, I was born at a very early age. "
I Was Born
" Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse. "
" Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know. "
" Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? "
" Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. "
" If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you. "
" Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. "
" I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. "
" She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. "
" I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt. "
" Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me? "
" Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! "
" It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. "
" Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. "
" I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. "
" Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? "
" Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. "
" I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. "
" Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. "
" Humor is reason gone mad. "
" Women should be obscene and not heard. "
" I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract. "