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" Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. "
Groucho Marx
Intelligence
Military
Contradiction
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" It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. "
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" I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. "
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" Go, and never darken my towels again. "
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" From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it. "
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" I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. "
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" I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract. "
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" I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. "
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" My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one. "
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" There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook. "
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" I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. "
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" A man's only as old as the woman he feels. "
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" If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. "
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" I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. "
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" She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. "
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" Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse. "
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" Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. "
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" Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it. "
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" I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. "
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" Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. "
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" A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. "
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" Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. "
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" Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. "
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