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" I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member. "
Groucho Marx
Organization
Belong
Would
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" Women should be obscene and not heard. "
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Obscene
Heard
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" Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. "
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Long
Getting Older
You
" My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something. "
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Thirty
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You
" Room service? Send up a larger room. "
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Up
Larger
Room
" Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? "
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Own
Eyes
Me
" I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. "
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Leaving
Weather
Raining
" I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. "
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Face
Never Forget
Never
" I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. "
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Today
Power
Me
" The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths. "
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Myself
Life
Mind
" Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. "
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Justice
Military
Music
" Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse. "
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Horse
Why
You
" A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. "
Groucho Marx
Someone
Send
Funny
" Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. "
Groucho Marx
Saying
Communication
Me
" Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! "
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Me
Marry
Never
" I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. "
Groucho Marx
Up
Nothing
Extreme
" A man's only as old as the woman he feels. "
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Old
Woman
Only
" I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. "
Groucho Marx
Mind
Club
You
" A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. "
Groucho Marx
Animal
Black
Cat
" Go, and never darken my towels again. "
Groucho Marx
Towels
Again
Go
" There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook. "
Groucho Marx
You
Way
Find
" A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. "
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Bed
Medical
Taxi
" I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. "
Groucho Marx
Had
Evening
Perfectly
" I intend to live forever, or die trying. "
Groucho Marx
Death
Trying
Forever
" I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. "
Groucho Marx
Jury
Wedding
Judge
" Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. "
Groucho Marx
Like
Others
Principles
" Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. "
Groucho Marx
Intelligence
Military
Contradiction
" If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you. "
Groucho Marx
You
Closer
Held
" I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. "
Groucho Marx
Evening
Wonderful
Had
" In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. "
Groucho Marx
Keep
Hollywood
Away
" If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. "
Groucho Marx
Like
Me
Stop