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" I never thought I was funny, but I enjoy being funny. "

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" Being a funny person does an awful lot of things to you. You feel that you mustn't get serious with people. They don't expect it from you, and they don't want to see it. You're not entitled to be serious, you're a clown. "

" I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. "

Winston Churchill

" Do you know, it's funny, but I never thought of being blind as a disadvantage, and I never thought of being black as a disadvantage. "

" It usually takes two people a little while to learn where the funny buttons are and testy buttons are. "

" Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell. "

" I don't think I would do a straight late-night talk show, like a 'Tonight Show' kind of thing. But I'm open to whatever is done well. I don't have any agenda. I'm not like Fugazi - I'm not trying to be just so punk rock until I die. Whatever is funny is good. "

" All you have in comedy, in general, is just going with your instincts. You can only hope that other people think that what you think is funny is funny. I don't have an answer but I just try to plough straight ahead. "

" I don't care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I'll laugh because they'll probably be funny. "

" Justice Scalia and I served together on the D.C. Circuit. So his votes are not surprising to me. What I like about him is that he's very funny and very smart. "

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

" You win a race, the next race it's a question mark. Are you still the best or not? That's what is funny. But that's what is interesting. And that's what is challenging. You have to prove yourself every time. "

Michael Schumacher

" If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. "

" As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler. "

" What's so funny about cats is that they have this kind of aloof, superior vibe to them. Even if you love them, they are unpredictable. Dogs are more social, and the way that they attach and bond to us is much more human. "

" It's funny, I get a little quieter with time. I don't want to chase my tail and one day repeat myself and repeat myself and one day have kids going to college and not have memories that I should, because I was too busy doing my thing. "

" I love improvisation. "

" My eyes are different sizes, my nose is too broad at the bridge and squishes up when I laugh, and my lips are sorta funny when I smile. "

" The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. "

" Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini? "

Robert Benchley

" After all is said and done, sit down. "

" All men are equal before fish. "

" Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution? "

" I didn't understand key signatures or anything, you know. I'd say silly things at the top of a trumpet part like, 'Note, when you play B naturals, make the B naturals a half step lower because they sound funny if they're B naturals.' And some guy said: 'Idiot, just put a flat on the third line and it's a key signature, you know?' "

" When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. "

" The inspiration for my Vines comes from thinking about funny and relatable experiences from my daily life. "

" I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. "

" If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month. "

Theodore Roosevelt

" I'm crazy, funny, and good looking! "

" You see much more of your children once they leave home. "

" Animals are sentient, intelligent, perceptive, funny and entertaining. We owe them a duty of care as we do to children. "

Michael Morpurgo

" It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious. "