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" Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than Christianity has made them good. "

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" No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single. "

" We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. "

" Women always excel men in that sort of wisdom which comes from experience. To be a woman is in itself a terrible experience. "

" I confess I enjoy democracy immensely. It is incomparably idiotic, and hence incomparably amusing. "

" In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. "

" The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out... without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane, intolerable. "

" To die for an idea; it is unquestionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for ideas that were true! "

" God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. "

" Man is a beautiful machine that works very badly. "

" Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods. "

" An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. "

" Nevertheless, it is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. "

" A society made up of individuals who were all capable of original thought would probably be unendurable. "

" I never smoked a cigarette until I was nine. "

" Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop. "

" A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. "

" Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. "

" One may no more live in the world without picking up the moral prejudices of the world than one will be able to go to hell without perspiring. "

" In the duel of sex woman fights from a dreadnought and man from an open raft. "

" Temptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse. "

" For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing. "

" Every man is his own hell. "

" A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents. "

" Life is a dead-end street. "

" A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier. "

" The common argument that crime is caused by poverty is a kind of slander on the poor. "

" Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest. "

" The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated. "

" As the arteries grow hard, the heart grows soft. "

" Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ. "